Everyone has a guilty pleasure, right? For some (myself included), that guilty pleasure includes watching 1993’s Super Mario Bros. movie.

The film – directed by Annabel Jankel and Rocky Morton – stars Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper, Samantha Mathis, and Fiona Shaw, and follows the story of two plumbers who find themselves in a mysterious world. Super Mario Bros. is based on the video game of the same name, and is regarded as a guilty pleasure by some… because it is largely viewed as being a bit rubbish.

OK, so the film is not great, but its biggest problem is the fact that outside of the title and the names of its characters, Super Mario Bros. isn’t much of a Mario movie. The film bears little resemblance to the games that spawned it, and that is clearly a significant issue when adapting a game for the big screen.

However, if you can accept the film as an action-adventure romp, that is very different to the games, there is some fun to be had. Super Mario Bros. has laughs, some scenes of spectacle, and it also has a dinosaur(!), so that’s something, right?

Hmm… I’ve not convinced you, have I? Ah, well, shall we just focus on the dialogue instead?

If you do happen to be a fan of Super Mario Bros., then chances are you may wish to revisit some of the best lines from the film. Super Mario Bros. is filled with some quirky and humorous dialogue, and in this post I’m serving up the top lines from the film.

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The best quotes from Super Mario Bros. (1993)

Image: ©Buena Vista Pictures

Sergeant Simon – “Name.”

Mario – “Mario.”

Sergeant Simon – “Last name.”

Mario – “Mario.”

Sergeant Simon – “And you?”

Luigi – “Luigi.”

Sergeant Simon – “Luigi Luigi?”

Luigi – “No, Luigi Mario.”

Sergeant Simon – “Okay how many Marios are there between the two of you?”

Luigi – “Three: Mario Mario and Luigi Mario.””

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Mario – “This can’t be Manhattan.”

Luigi – “I don’t know, I haven’t been to Manhattan in a couple weeks.”

Mario – “Must have been a bad couple of weeks.”

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Mario – “Excuse me, do you know where we are?”

Pedestrian – “Yeah, you’re in my way.”

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Lena – “Hello, morons.”

Iggy, Spike – “Hello!”

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Image: ©Buena Vista Pictures

Luigi – “Aliens? We gotta deal with aliens too?”

Mario – “Luigi, *we’re* the aliens.”

Luigi – “We are? Wow, cool.”

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Luigi – “Wow, you mean there were dinosaurs here in Brooklyn?”

Mario – “Relax, Luigi. There used to be Dodgers here too.”

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King Koopa – “I am very disappointed in you, cousins.”

Spike – “Fascist!”

Iggy – “Oppressor of the proletariat!”

King Koopa – “Guy in charge!”

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Mario – “What single-celled organism did *you* evolve from?”

King Koopa – “Tyrannosaurus Rex, the lizard king, thank you very much.”

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Image: ©Buena Vista Pictures

Luigi (Speaking to the Mushroom King) “It is an honor to meet you sir, and a pleasure, and I just wanna thank you for all your help.”

Mario – “Come on, Luigi. You’ll be talking to the mildew in the shower next.”

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Luigi – “You mean you don’t know who your mother and father neither?”

Princess Daisy – “No. What do you mean, “neither”?”

Luigi – “Cuz, you see, Mario here brought me up. He’s been like my mother my whole life.”

Mario – “Hey!”

Luigi – “Ok, ok, my father, all right? And my uncle, cousin, and everybody.”

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Sergeant Simon – “No one touches President Koopa.”

Luigi – “You’re Koopa? Well, you just said you were…”

King Koopa – “One evil, egg sucking son of a snake. Did I lie?”

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Luigi – “Remember, trust the fungus.”

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Toad – “Say, what’s another word that rhymes with dimension?”

Mario – “Yeah, tension, and I’m full of it so shut up.”

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Image: ©Buena Vista Pictures

Cop – “Aha! Plumbers!”

Luigi – “No, he is! I’m just apprenticing!”

Cop – “Get in the car!”

Luigi – “But I didn’t do nothin’!”

Cop – “Get in the car now!”

Mario – “Are you tellin’ us that you can arrest a guy for being a plumber? Get outta here!”

Cop – “Get in there, plumber! Now!”

Mario – “Hey! What is this?”

Luigi – “All right. What’d we do?”

Mario – “I’m gettin’ arrested for bein’ a plumber!”

Luigi – “Write his number down!”

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King Koopa – “Both of you, go to the desert!”

Iggy – “Excuse me, excuse me. That hardly seems logical, does it? Perhaps we should stay here and formulate our own strategy. Tete-tete, inner circle, that sort of thing.”

King Koopa – “Here’s what’s logical to me: If you do not return with the plumbers and the rock… I shall personally… kill you.”

Iggy – “…We’re going.”

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TV Announcer – “I’d call them the *Super* Mario Brothers.”

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Toad – “You boys ain’t from around here, are you?”

Mario, Luigi – “Brooklyn.”

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Luigi – “A-are you ok?”

Princess Daisy – “I got a few problems…”

Luigi – “Well, you know, we got a van.”

Princess Daisy – “It’s… nice.”

Luigi – “No no, I’m asking you if you want a ride.”

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Luigi – “I’m gonna kill ’em!”

Mario – “No, you’re not gonna kill ’em, not if I get there first. I’m gonna break every bone in their body, and *then* I’m gonna kill ’em. I’m *really* gonna kill ’em!”

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Mario – “Strap your belt on, kid. We’re going in!”

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Mario – “Hey! You must be the girls – the missing girls from Brooklyn!”

Daniella – “Yeah, except for Angelica. She’s from Queens, but she’s all right.”

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Luigi – “I’ve heard sea turtles travel thousands of miles on their own.”

Mario – “Not in New York traffic, they don’t.”

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Image: ©Buena Vista Pictures

Mario – “Stop fiddlin’ with the fungus, and let’s get outta here!”

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Daisy – “If you just want to end this right now, I would understand.”

Luigi – “You know, I was going to ask you the same thing. If you want to end this right now, and you feel bad about that, but you want to talk to somebody about it, you can call me.”

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Sergeant Simon – “Sir? Sir!”

King Koopa – “What is it?”

Sergeant Simon – “The Goombas are dancing again.”

King Koopa – “Deal with it!”

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Pizza Deliveryman – “Python Pizza here, may I help you?”

King Koopa – “King Koopa here.”

Pizza Deliveryman – “Oh, yes, sir.”

King Koopa – “I’d like the Koopa special.”

Pizza Deliveryman – “Pteradactyl tail on that?”

King Koopa – “Yes. Dino, lizard, hold the mammal, no worms, and, uh, spicy.”

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Princess Daisy – “I’m a vegetarian, I don’t eat anything with a face.”

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Old Lady – “Are you boys new in town?”

Mario – “Listen, lady, we’re looking for someone. And we’re from Brooklyn.”

Old Lady – “You know, boys, this is a really rough neighbuorhood. You really shouldn’t be wandering around without a weapon.”

Mario – “Yea.”

Old Lady – “You got one?”

Luigi – “…No.”

Old Lady – “…All right… Get ’em up, suckers!”

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King Koopa – “I’ll kill that plumber.”

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And finally…

Image: ©Buena Vista Pictures

Narrator – “A long long time ago, the Earth was ruled by dinosaurs. They were big, so not a lot of people went around hassling ’em. Actually, no people went around hassling ’em cuz there weren’t any people yet. Just the first tiny mammals. Basically, life was good. Then something happened: a giant meteorite struck the Earth. Goodbye dinosaurs! But what if the dinosaurs weren’t all destroyed? What if the impact of that meteor created a parallel dimension where the dinosaurs continued to thrive and evolve into intelligent, vicious, and aggressive beings… just like us? And hey, what if they found a way back?”

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Thank you for stopping by It’s A Stampede! to read this post about Super Mario Bros.. For more posts, check out the recommended reads below.

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