Today I’m watching The Holiday (2006) – a Christmas movie that I have never seen before.

I have never watched The Holiday for two reasons:

  • 1) The Holiday is a twee-looking romantic comedy, set at Christmas, and this doesn’t appeal to me.
  • 2) The Holiday stars Jude Law. This also doesn’t appeal to me.

Both of these reasons are why I have never sought this movie out, or why I have never bothered to watch it on television, despite it being on regular rotation. And I mean “regular rotation”, as UK TV channel, ITV2 love showing the movie!

So, why am I choosing to watch this film today? Simple – my best friend loves The Holiday and he has suggested I watch it. So I figured today would be the day I give it a go, as it’s five days until Christmas.

Will this movie put me in a festive mood?

I hope so!

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*Presses play*

10mins 20secs – Kate Winslet lives in a quaint little cottage in Surrey, England. How very… picturesque.

11mins 40secs – While Kate Winslet is having man troubles in the UK, on the other side of the world, Cameron Diaz is having man troubles in LA. I’m spotting a connection here.

20mins 15secs – Fed up of her life, Cameron Diaz wants to go on holiday, and has found a little cottage ’20 minutes from London’. Erm, someone needs to tell Diaz that Surrey isn’t 20 minutes from London – it’s about an hour in the car. Even if you go by train it’s about 35 minutes. If the train turns up. Which it wont, because this is the UK.

21mins – The cottage belongs to Kate Winslet. Erm… how can she afford to own a cottage?

30mins – So, Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet have switched homes for the holidays, with Diaz getting the cottage in Surrey and Winslet getting a swanky house in LA (with a pool). I know who is getting the shitty end of the stick in this situation.

32mins – Winslet and Diaz have switched locations.

33mins – OK, so I can buy the idea of a house swap, but there’s one part I am struggling with – Kate Winslet went to LA and left her dog in the cottage for Cameron Diaz to look after! Who does that?! Who leaves their dog with a stranger?! I couldn’t care less if Diaz burns the cottage to the ground, but she had best be good to that dog.

36mins 40secs – Meanwhile, over in LA… Winslet has just met Jack Black. Please don’t tell me that these two are going to develop a romantic relationship. I like Jack Black, but I don’t see him as a romantic foil for Kate Winslet. Plus, he’s got a girlfriend.

42mins – Back in the UK… Jude Law has just turned up at the cottage. He’s playing Winslet’s brother. He’s a bit drunk and is *Rolls eyes* trying to charm Cameron Diaz. Of course he is.

44mins 45secs – Bloody hell, that was quick. Diaz and Law have just kissed.

45mins 20secs – They’re kissing again.

45mins 30secs – And again! How desperate is she?!

46mins – Nowadays, people use Tinder to get a date. Back in 2006, Diaz is doing a house swap! Seems a bit extreme, but apparently this is how desperate she is.

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48mins 30secs – The next morning… and after a night of ‘passion’, Diaz is downstairs, struggling to figure out how to switch the coffee machine on. But it’s OK, because Jude Law has helped her – because he’s a charming, and manly, and…

…ugh.

*Yawn*

I am struggling to find anything mildly appealing about either of these two – or even this movie. There had best be a car chase in this film, or a shoot-out!

1hr – Back in LA… Kate Winslet is having dinner with Eli Wallach. Wallach is an older gent, and I’m presuming she’s not going to get into a romantic relationship with him. Actually, I would prefer if she did. He is the most interesting character in this film.

1hr 3mins – Back at the cottage and…

…I’m really bored of this ‘situation’ between Diaz and Law. She’s coming across as super desperate, he’s wetter than an otter’s pocket, and together they have zero chemistry.

Actually, do you know what? He’s wet, she’s desperate – let them just get together so that we can put this storyline to one side and get back to whatever is going on with Eli Wallach.

1hr 15mins – Back in LA, Kate Winslet and Jack Black are forming some kind of connection. But what about his girlfriend?

*Yawn*

1hr 36mins – Jack Black has just discovered that his girlfriend is cheating on him. How convenient. This means he can now get it on with Winslet. I certainly didn’t see that coming.

*Rolls eyes again*

2hrs – The last 25 minutes have been the best parts of the movie. What has happened? Not much, but no one has bugged the heck out of me for 25 minutes, so I call it a win!

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2hrs 2mins – Right, things are beginning to wind up, so naturally, Kate Winslet and Jack Black kiss. Why? Because it says so in the script.

2hrs 4mins – Back in the UK… Diaz is about to leave England. £10 says she doesn’t go.

2hrs 6mins – Shame there was no one around to take my bet because Diaz has decided to stay, so she can live with Jude Law and together they can become Mr & Mrs Wet.

2hrs 8mins – And as I enter the dying moments of the movie, everything has worked out perfectly. Kate Winslet, Jack Black, Cameron Diaz and Jude Law are all celebrating New Year in the UK. Everything is great and everyone is happy.

Ha! Give it ten years and they’ll be arguing over Brexit.

*Presses stop*

Rubbish.

Predictable rubbish.

Winslet and Black were fine, and all of Eli Wallach’s scenes were a delight, but the Diaz/Law stuff was boring. Not an awful movie, but clearly not one for me – or even a film I can ever see myself returning to.

As for it being a Christmas movie, well, I much prefer a true Christmas classic, like Die Hard! Maybe even Die Hard 2.

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Thank you for taking the time to read this post about The Holiday. For more posts, check out one of the recommended reads below.

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