Across the course of seven seasons of television, the ‘Golden Girls’, aka Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia, shared their highs, their lows, their loves and their lives. As characters in one of the best-loved sitcoms of the 1980s, these gals got up to some interesting situations, but no matter what they faced, they always did it together and with laughter in their hearts.
If you’re ever feeling down, then be sure to bookmark this post, because in a moment I am taking a look through some of the best gags from The Golden Girls. The show was filled with some absolute zingers in the dialogue department, and these lines are guaranteed to put a smile on your face.
So, grab some cheesecake, gather together your best pals, and take a look back at the best lines from The Golden Girls!
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The best quotes from The Golden Girls
Blanche – “I treat my body like a temple.”
Sophia – “Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.”
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Blanche – “What was your first impression of me?”
Rose – “I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong. You don’t wear too much makeup.”
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Rose – “Well, I’m here if you want to pick my brain.”
Dorothy – “Rose, honey. Maybe we should leave it alone and let it heal.”
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Rose – “You know what they say: you can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he’ll die.”
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Rose – “Can I ask a dumb question?”
Dorothy – “Better than anyone I know.”
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Blanche – “This is strictly off the record but Dirk is nearly five years younger than I am.”
Dorothy – “In what, Blanche, dog years?”
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Dorothy – “Rose, do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck!”
Rose – “No, but you do look the woman who used to drive it.”
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Blanche – “You know what the worst part about getting older is?”
Dorothy – “Your face, Rose’s hands?”
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Dorothy – “Ma, what are you doing? You’re supposed to be resting. Remember what the doctor said?”
Sophia – “Dorothy, I’m feeling anxious. And when I feel anxious, there’s only one thing that calms me down.”
Dorothy – “I know, Ma. Cooking a big meal.”
Sophia – “No, making hot naked love in a closet. But hey, you do what you can.”
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Dorothy – “You’ll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago which rendered her totally annoying.”
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Rose – “You must be tired after your cab trip.”
Sophia – “Why? I rode in the cab! I didn’t push it!”
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Stan – “Hello Sophia, you’re looking younger every day.”
Sophia – “Hi Stan, and that’s a beautiful toupee you’re wearing. Great, now we’re both liars.”
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Blanche – “I do love the rain so. It reminds me of my first kiss.”
Dorothy – “Ah, your first kiss was in the rain?”
Blanche – “No, it was in the shower.”
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Dorothy – “Anyway, Ma told me that once I started shaving I’d never be able to stop. I mean, she said I’d regret it for the rest of my life because my legs would have bristles.”
Sophia – “I was right! By the time you were sixteen I could grate cheese on your knees!”
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Dorothy – “Aw, Rose, did you have a leak in your room too?”
Rose – “No, Dorothy. I was just milking the cow I keep in my closet. Wow, with only three hours of sleep, I can be as bitchy as you!”
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Blanche – “What do you think of my new dress? Is it me?”
Sophia – “It’s too tight, it’s too short and shows too much cleavage for a woman your age.”
Dorothy – “Yes, Blanche. It’s you.”
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Blanche – “I don’t really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don’t like him dating men.”
Dorothy – “You really haven’t grasped the concept of this “gay thing” yet, have you, Blanche?”
Blanche – “Well there must be homosexuals who date women.”
Sophia – “Yeah. They’re called lesbians.”
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Blanche – “I have writer’s block. It’s the worst feeling in the world.”
Sophia – “Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.”
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Blanche – “You know what I hate doing most after a party?”
Rose – “Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?”
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Rose – “I just had a thought…”
Sophia, Dorothy, Blanche – “Congratulations.”
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Rose – “I’ve been on the phone for a half hour and you’ll never guess what happened.”
Dorothy – “You realized you forgot to dial first.”
Rose – “No.”
Blanche – “You were holding the receiver the wrong way.”
Rose – “No.”
Dorothy – “You were talking into the TV remote instead of the phone.”
Rose – “No.”
Blanche – “A shoe?”
Rose – “No, I’m not an idiot. The TV has a remote?”
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Rose – “This reminds me of something that happened back in St. Olaf.”
Dorothy – “Oh, Rose, stop! Rose, why is it that every time one of us makes an observation, the first thing we hear from you is “Back in St. Olaf?” I mean, did it ever occur to you that maybe we’re tired of hearing “Back in St. Olaf,” “Back in St. Olaf,” “Back in St. Olaf!””
Rose – “Gee, no, I… I’m sorry.”
Dorothy – “Oh… that’s okay.”
Rose (Pauses for a moment to rethink her approach) – “Back in that town whose name you’re tired of hearing…”
Dorothy – “ROSE!”
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Dorothy – “Blanche, have you heard of the latest campaigns? “Join the navy, see the world… sleep with Blanche Devereaux”? “Join the army, be all you can be… sleep with Blanche Devereaux”?”
Dorothy – “The marines are looking for a few good men who have *not* slept with Blanche Devereaux”!”
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Blanche – “Girls have you ever heard of something called dirty dancing?”
Dorothy – “Of course Blanche, they did it in that movie!”
Rose – “What movie?”
Dorothy – “Lawrence of Arabia, Rose.”
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Dorothy – “Ma, I’m never playing cards with you again!”
Sophia – “Yes, you will. You’re just too competitive. It’s always been your worst feature. No, wait-your ears are your worst feature.”
Dorothy – “Can you believe that?”
Blanche – “No, I always thought your bony feet were your worst feature.”
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Dorothy – “Ma, I DON’T snore.”
Sophia – “Please! I had to turn you away from the window so you wouldn’t inhale the drapes!”
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Sophia – “All you ever do is talk about your sexual problems! Well, what about my sexual problem?”
Dorothy – “Ma, what is your sexual problem?”
Sophia – “I’m not getting any!”
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Stan – “I know everything about basketball – it’s one of the interesting things about me.”
Sophia – “Please, you’ve lived here for two months; there’s nothing interesting about you.”
Stan – “Go on, ask me anything.”
Sophia – “All right… when are you moving out?”
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Rose – “I have a story to end all stories about when someone wouldn’t sleep with me.”
Blanche – “Ok Honey, but PLEASE keep it in ten words or less.”
Rose – “OK. I will.”
Dorothy – “Ok then Rose, let’s hear it. In ten words or less, when did a man not sleep with you?”
Rose – “The time I was radioactive.”
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Blanche – “Sophia, by placing this pearl necklace between my bosoms, does it make me look like I’m a sex-starved slut who is in need of a man to bed?”
Sophia – “Yes.”
Blanche – “Good, then pearl it is.”
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And finally…
Rose – “I don’t think lying is really a good idea. I once cut school and that proved very bad.”
Dorothy – “Oh, Rose. We’ve all cut school. It couldn’t have been that bad.”
Rose – “Oh, yes it was. That was the day they taught EVERYTHING.”
Dorothy – “The final piece of the puzzle.”
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Thank you for stopping by It’s A Stampede! to read this post about the best quotes from The Golden Girls. For more posts, be sure to check out the recommended reads below.
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