In 1988, Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice hit cinema screens. The movie – which starred Michael Keaton, Winona Ryder, Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin – told the story of a deceased couple who contemplate hiring a poltergeist, to help them scare away a family who are inhabiting their home.

Bringing together a mix of colourful characters, some imaginative designs, and a superb performance from Michael Keaton, Beetlejuice was a hit with critics and audiences upon release. And all these years later, the movie is still regarded as a firm favourite and one of Burton’s best.  

In this post I am taking a look at some of the best quotes from Beetlejuice, as a neat little reminder of why this film is still regarded as a fun little movie. The film serves up some humorous lines, and here are the ones that really stand out…

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Best Beetlejuice movie quotes

Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Juno – “What’s wrong?”

Barbara – “We’re very unhappy.”

Juno – “What did you expect? You’re dead!”

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Adam – “What are your qualifications?”

Beetlejuice – “Ah. Well… I attended Juilliard… I’m a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I’ve seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT… NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU’RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY… NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK? You think I’m qualified?”

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(In the waiting room of the afterlife)

Barbara – “Adam, is this what happens when you die?”

Receptionist – “This is what happens when *you* die.”

(Points at a man smoking)

Receptionist – “That is what happens when *he* dies.”

(Points at a woman cut in half on the sofa reading)

Receptionist – “And that is what happens when *they* die. It’s all very personal. And I’ll tell you something: if I knew then what I know now…”

(Shows her slit wrists)

Receptionist – “…I wouldn’t have had my little accident.”

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Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Adam – “’Handbook of the Recently Diseased’.”

Barbara – “…*deceased*.”

Adam – “Deceased?”

Barbara – “I don’t know where it came from. Look at the publisher.”

Adam – “’Handbook for the Recently Deceased Press’.”

Barbara – “You know what? I don’t think we survived the crash!”

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Beetlejuice – “Go ahead, make my millennium.”

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Adam – “How is it that you can see us but nobody else can?”

Lydia – “Well, I read in that “Handbook For The Recently Deceased”. It says, “Live people ignore the strange and unusual.” I, myself, am strange and unusual.”

Barbara – “You look like a regular girl to me.”

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Lydia – “Mr. and Mrs. Maitland? Hello? Where are you?”

Beetlejuice – “Dead. Dead, dead, deadski.”

Lydia – “Of course they’re dead. They’re ghosts.”

Beetlejuice – “No, I mean they’re gone, split, out of here, afterlife kids, deceased…”

Lydia – “Are you a ghost, too?”

Beetlejuice – “I’m a ghost with the most, babe.”

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Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Adam – “Barb, honey… we’re dead. I don’t think we have very much to worry about anymore.”

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Beetlejuice – “You want to get somebody out of your house. I want to get somebody out of your house.”

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(Beetlejuice explains why he can’t tell Lydia his name)

Beetlejuice – “Because if I tell you, you’ll tell your friends, your friends are callin’ me on the horn all the time, I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes my life a *hell*. Okay? A living hell.”

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Beetlejuice – “I’m just doin’ my job. Besides, I thought we had a deal! Hey, it’s OK. You know why? I don’t wanna do business with you deadbeats anyway. The only one I think I can deal with is Edgar Allan Poe’s daughter. I think she understands me.”

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Delia – “Charles, I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax.”

Charles – “Ha.”

Delia – “I’m here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don’t let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go insane, AND I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME!”

Charles – “Yeah, well, you know, maybe the house could use a little remodeling. Uh… But, why don’t you just leave this room alone, okay?”

Delia – “Okay.”

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Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Bernard – “Otho, I didn’t realize you were into the supernatural.”

Otho – “Well, of course! You remember, after my stint with the Living Theatre I was one of New York City’s leading paranormal researchers until the bottom dropped out in ’72.”

Beryl – “Paranormal – is that what they’re calling your kind these days?”

Otho – “Don’t mind her. She’s still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister.”

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Delia – “Open this door, you dead people, or we’ll bust it down and we’ll drag you out by the ropes you hang yourselves with!”

Lydia – “Shh! They didn’t commit suicide.”

Delia – “It doesn’t matter. Lydia, I have a chance to teach you something here: you have got to take the upper hand in all situations or people, whether they’re dead or alive, will walk all over you.”

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Beetlejuice – “Let’s turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.”

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Charles – “As soon as we get settled, we’ll build you a darkroom in the basement, okay?”

Lydia – “My whole life is a dark room. One big dark room.”

Delia – “So you were miserable in New York City, and now you’re going to be miserable out here in the sticks. At least someone’s life hasn’t been upheaved.”

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Beetlejuice – (To Lydia, about the owner of the finger he pulled out of a wedding ring) “I’m tellin’ ya, honey, she meant nothin’ to me. Nothin’ at all!”

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Preacher – “And you, do you, Lydia, take this man…?”

Lydia – “No! Beetle…”

Beetlejuice – (Covers Lydia’s mouth with his hand) “She’s a little bit nervous. Uh, maybe I should answer for her, okay?”

(Speaks in Lydia’s voice)

Beetlejuice – “I’m Lydia Deetz and I’m of sound mind. The man next to me is the one I want. You asked me, I’m answering. Yes, I love that man of mine.”

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Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Juno – “Never trust the living! We cannot have a routine haunting like yours provide proof that there is existence beyond death.”

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Barbara – “Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse.”

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Preacher – “Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife?”

Beetlejuice – “Oh geez, I don’t know. I mean, it’s kind of a big decision isn’t it? I mean, I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it once and that was it. Oh, well.”

Beetlejuice – “Sure, yeah. Go ahead.”

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Beetlejuice – “These aren’t my rules. Come to think of it, I don’t have any rules.”

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Beetlejuice – “Well, looks like I’m next. Good thing, too. I gotta do a photo shoot for GQ in about an hour and a half. Yeah, they’ve been after me for months. Doin’ some underwear deal. I don’t know what…”

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And finally…

Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Beetlejuice – “It’s showtime!”

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Thank you for taking the time to read this post about the best Beetlejuice movie quotes on It’s A Stampede!. For more posts, be sure to check out the recommended reads below.

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