In 1995, director Amy Heckerling’s coming-of-age comedy, Clueless arrived in cinemas. Loosely based on Jane Austen’s novel, Emma, the movie told the story of a Beverly Hills teen, and the trials and tribulations of her life as a high school student.

Met by a positive response from critics and audiences alike, Clueless was an instant hit. And over the years the film has continued to draw in much praise, as well as a legion of fans.

One of the reasons Clueless has grown into such a popular movie, is due to its razor-sharp script. The dialogue in the picture is a pure delight; some of the lines are simply hilarious, and others are iconic.

In this post I am taking a look at the best lines from Clueless, to highlight why this is such a superb movie. These are the quotes that really make the movie sing, and should hopefully convince you to give Clueless a re-watch at your earliest convenience, as it really is a fine film!

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The best Clueless movie quotes

Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Dionne – “Hello? There was a stop sign.”

Cher – “I totally paused.”

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Mel – “What the hell is that?”

Cher – “A dress.”

Mel – “Says who?”

Cher – “Calvin Klein.”

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Cher – “If it’s a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, okay? Ask her questions.”

Elton – “What’s seven times seven?”

Cher – “Stuff she knows.”

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Mel – “Which reminds me, where’s your report card?”

Cher – “It’s not ready yet.”

Mel – “What do you mean, “it’s not ready yet?””

Cher – “Well, some teachers are trying to low-ball me, Daddy. And I know how you say, “Never accept a first offer”, so I figure these grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations.”

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Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Cher – “So okay, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair – ew – and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so.”

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Cher – “You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet.”

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Amber – “Ms. Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn’t want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.”

Dionne – “Well, there goes your social life.”

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Cher – “Lucy, the fire department called again. They said we need to clear out that bush. You said you’d get Jose to do it.”

Lucy – “He your gardener, I don’t know why you no tell him.”

Cher – “Lucy, you know I don’t speak Mexican.”

Lucy – “I NOT A MEXICAN!”

(Lucy storms off)

Cher – “Great, what was that all about?”

Josh – “Lucy’s from El Salvador.”

Cher – “So?”

Josh – “So, it’s an entirely different country.”

Cher – “What does that matter?”

Josh – “You get mad if anyone thinks you live below Sunset.”

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Cher – “This is where Dionne lives. She’s my friend because we both know what it’s like for people to be jealous of us.”
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Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Tai – “Do you think she’s pretty?”

Cher – “No, she’s a full-on Monet.”

Tai – “What’s a Monet?”

Cher – “It’s like a painting, see? From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess. Let’s ask a guy. Christian, what do you think of Amber?”

Christian – “Hagsville.”

Cher – “See?”

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Mel – “Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.”

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Josh – “You want to practice parking?”

Cher – “What’s the point? Everywhere you go has valet.”

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Cher – “Would you call me selfish?”

Dionne – “No, not to your face.”

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Cher – “As if.”

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Cher – “”Second notice on three outstanding tickets.” I don’t remember getting a first notice.”

Mel – “The ticket is the first notice! I didn’t even know you could get tickets without a license.”

Cher – “Oh, you can get tickets anytime.”

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Mel – “Do you know what time it is?”

Cher – “A watch doesn’t really go with this outfit, daddy.”

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Tai – “I could really use some sort of herbal refreshment.”

Dionne – “Oh, well we do lunch in ten minutes. We don’t have any tea, but we have Coke and stuff.”

Tai – “No shit. You guys got Coke here?”

Dionne – “Well, yeah.”

Cher – “Yeah, this is America.”

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Cher – “I’m captain of the Pismo Beach disaster relief.”

Mel – “I don’t think they need your skis.”

Cher – “Daddy, some people lost all their belongings. Don’t you think that includes athletic equipment?”

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Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Cher – “Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.”

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Cher – “So, how did I do?”

DMV Tester – “How’d you do? Well, let’s just see, shall we? You can’t park, you can’t change lanes, you can’t make right hand turns, you damaged private property and you almost killed someone. Off hand, I’d say you failed.”

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Cher – “Okay, okay, so he is kind of a Baldwin.”

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Cher – “That’s Ren and Stimpy. They’re way existential.”

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Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Heather – “It’s just like Hamlet said, “To thine own self be true.””

Cher – “Hamlet didn’t say that.”

Heather – “I think I remember Hamlet accurately.”

Cher – “Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn’t say that. That Polonius guy did.”

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Cher – “Christian had a thing for Tony Curtis so he brought over “Some Like it Hot” and “Sporadicus”.”

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Mel – “You drink?”

Christian – “No, thanks. I’m cool.”

Mel – “I’m not offering. I’m asking you if you drink. You think I offer alcohol to teenage drivers taking my daughter out?”

Christian – “Hey man, the protective vibe. I dig.”

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And finally…

Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Josh – “Do you have any idea what you’re talking about?”

Cher – “No. Why, does it sound like I do?”

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Thank you for taking the time to read this post on It’s A Stampede!. For more movie-related content be sure to check out the recommended reads below, where you will find reviews, features, and more!

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