In 1980, Paramount Pictures released the slapstick comedy, Airplane!. The movie – directed by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker – was a parody of airline disaster films, starred Robert Hays, Julie Hagerty, and Leslie Nielsen, and told the story of a commercial aircraft placed into peril when the crew become ill mid-flight.

If you have never watched Airplane!, then boy, are you missing out. Airplane! is one of the funniest films of the 1980s. Heck, it’s one of the funniest films of all time, loaded with sight gags, surreal moments, and laugh-out-load lines.  

In this post I am serving up the finest lines from Airplane!, guaranteed to tickle your ribs. These are the quotes that will have you laughing all the way to the airport and back again.

Surely, I can’t be serious? Well, I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley!

Advertisements

__

The best Airplane! movie quotes

Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Elaine Dickinson – “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your stewardess speaking… We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused, this is due to periodic air pockets we encountered, there’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight… By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?”

__

Rumack – “What was it we had for dinner tonight?”

Elaine Dickinson – “Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.”

Rumack – “Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagne.”

Advertisements

__

Hanging Lady – “Nervous?”

Ted Striker – “Yes.”

Hanging Lady – “First time?”

Ted Striker – “No, I’ve been nervous lots of times.”

__

Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Steve McCroskey – “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.”

__

Elaine Dickinson – “You got a letter from headquarters this morning.”

Ted Striker – “What is it?”

Elaine Dickinson – “It’s a big building where generals meet, but that’s not important.”

__

Mrs. Hammen – “Jim never vomits at home.”

Advertisements
Advertisements

__

Young Boy with Coffee – “Excuse me, I happened to be passing, and I thought you might like some coffee.”

Little Girl – “Oh, that’s very nice of you, thank you.”

Little Girl – “Oh, won’t you sit down?”

Young Boy with Coffee – “Cream?”

Little Girl – “No, thank you, I take it black, like my men.”

__

Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Rumack – “Captain, how soon can you land?”

Captain Oveur – “I can’t tell.”

Rumack – “You can tell me. I’m a doctor.”

Captain Oveur – “No. I mean I’m just not sure.”

Rumack – “Well, can’t you take a guess?”

Captain Oveur – “Well, not for another two hours.”

Rumack – “You can’t take a guess for another two hours?”

__

Rumack – “The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing: finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane, but who didn’t have fish for dinner.”

__

Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Rumack – “Can you fly this plane, and land it?”

Ted Striker – “Surely you can’t be serious.”

Rumack – “I am serious… and don’t call me Shirley.”

__

Steve McCroskey – “I need the best man on this. Someone who knows that plane inside and out and won’t crack under pressure.”

Johnny – “How about Mister Rogers?”

Advertisements

__

Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Rex Kramer – “Our only hope is to build this man up. We gotta give him all the confidence we can.”

Rex Kramer – “Striker, have you ever flown a multi-engine plane before?”

Ted Striker – “No, never.”

Rex Kramer – “Shit! This is a God damn waste of time! There’s no way he can land this plane!”

__

Rumack – “You’d better tell the Captain we’ve got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.”

Elaine Dickinson – “A hospital? What is it?”

Rumack – “It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.”

Advertisements

__

Rumack – “Elaine, you’re a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts?”

Elaine Dickinson – “No.”

__

Rex Kramer – “Don’t be a fool, Striker, you know what a landing like this means, you more than anybody. I’m ordering you to stay up there.”

Ted Striker – “No dice, Chicago. I’m giving the orders and we’re coming in. I guess the foot’s on the other hand now, isn’t it, Kramer?”

__           

Rex Kramer – “Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.”

Advertisements

__

And finally…

Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Rumack – “I won’t deceive you, Mr. Striker. We’re running out of time.”

Ted Striker – “Surely there must be something you can do.”

Rumack – “I’m doing everything I can… and stop calling me Shirley!”

Advertisements

__

Thank you for stopping by It’s A Stampede! to read the best Airplane! movie quotes. For more movie-related posts be sure to check out the recommended reads below.

Read more:

Advertisements
Advertisements