Recently unleashed on Netflix is the computer-animated ‘comedy’ movie, Marmaduke. The film – based on the comic strip character of the same name – is directed by Mark A. Z. Dippé, Phil Nibbelink, Youngki Lee, and Matt Whelan, and features the voice talents of Pete Davidson, J. K. Simmons and David Koechner.
The movie follows the story of Marmaduke, after he is taken to a dog obedience school, following a period of chaotic behaviour. Despite his good nature, Marmaduke is an unintentionally disruptive dog, and his family believe he requires some much-needed training to bring him in line.
Over the next few days, Marmaduke is taught how to stand properly, how to act around others, and even how to eat correctly. The goal is to transform him into the perfect pooch, so that he can compete in a dog show.
But can Marmaduke prove himself to be a worthy contestant or will his enthusiasm and boisterous nature get the better of him? And more importantly, can Marmaduke show his family that he is a dog to be proud of and a truly great, Great Dane?
*Takes a very deep breath*
If you’re scrolling through Netflix today, you come across Marmaduke, and you consider pressing ‘play’, please take me advice, and keep scrolling. Marmaduke is absolute rubbish, and if you opt to watch the film, you will be wasting 90 minutes of your life.
By the same token, if you’ve got kids, and you think this is the sort of movie they might like, then have a word with yourself and do better as a parent. There are plenty of great animated movies out there, from The Mitchells vs. the Machines to Raya and the Last Dragon, and Marmaduke certainly doesn’t come close.
Marmaduke is a cheaply made, poorly animated, incredibly dull film. The voice performances feel phoned in, the gags in this ‘comedy’ are non-existent, and the whole thing runs out of steam within the first five minutes.
The film isn’t aimed at adults, and believe me, you won’t be rewarded for sitting through this dross. The picture is targeted purely at the younger generation, but I have no idea what the kids of today did to deserve this movie, because this is punishment of the highest order.
For a movie which has four directors (which is generally a bad sign anyway), there is zero creativity on display in this film. Not one frame of Marmaduke is imaginative or exciting, and the whole thing comes across as bland and incredibly lazy.
In terms of the animation, it is ugly, with character designs that are gawky and very off-putting. I don’t know how anyone could have signed off on these designs, but then, I don’t know how anyone could have signed off on this film either.
For those who are generally unfamiliar with Marmaduke, I should point out that this is the second feature-length film about the character, following a live-action movie back in 2010 (also called Marmaduke). That movie was forgettable, and is best avoided, yet it is still significantly better than this CGI mess.
So, the 2022 Marmaduke not only feels like a poor film in general, it also feels like a downgrade from what came before. A downgrade that no one seems to have asked for.
Was anyone crying out for a Marmaduke movie? Are the kids of 2022 taking time out from TikTok and YouTube to obsess over the adventures of this pooch?
I think we all know the answers to those questions. Which begs the follow-up: Who thought this movie was a good idea in the first place?
Well, whoever it was, I really hope they don’t have any more of these ‘good ideas’. I really don’t want to have to sit through another one of these movies in the future, and I don’t want anyone else to have to sit through one either.
Unless your television is broke, it is stuck on Netflix, and the only thing that is playing is Marmaduke on loop, there is no reason to watch this movie. No one will thank you for it, not even Netflix, who know this film is a dud and probably regret paying for it.
The best thing you can do is pretend this whole thing never happened. You might also like to join me in a prayer, as we pray the Hollywood overlords never subject us to this tripe again.