In 1993, director John McTiernan brought the action comedy, Last Action Hero to the big screen. The film, which starred Arnold Schwarzenegger as LA cop, Jack Slater, told the story of a young boy who is transported into a movie universe, where anything can happen and where clichés are a normal way of life.
During its initial release, Last Action Hero was not a huge hit with critics or audiences, but over time the film has built up a loyal fan base. Many view Last Action Hero as a fun and imaginative take on the action genre, while others praise Schwarzenegger’s ability to spoof his Hollywood persona.
Keen to revisit the movie, I am taking a look at some of the best lines of dialogue from Last Action Hero. The lines presented below highlight the fun that can be found in the film’s script, and demonstrate why it is an interesting movie to revisit.
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The best Last Action Hero movie quotes
Nick – “There are lots of things worse than movies: politicians, wars, forest fires, famine, plague, sickness, pain, warts, politicians…”
Jack Slater – “You already mentioned them.”
Nick – “I know I did. They are twice as bad as anything else.”
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Danny Madigan – “Where are the ordinary, everyday women? They don’t exist because this is a movie!”
Jack Slater – “No, this is California.”
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Jack Slater – “Kid! Who does the doctor treat?”
Danny Madigan – “Patients?”
Jack Slater – “Look at the elbow of my jacket. What is it doing?”
Danny Madigan – “Wearing thin?”
Jack Slater – “Bingo!”
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Jack Slater – “I don’t care who does what to your Hershey highway!”
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Danny Madigan – “Wait! I can prove this is a movie!”
Dekker – “Who the hell are you, kid?”
Danny Madigan – “Look out there, there’s a cartoon cat.”
Jack Slater – “He’s supposed to be back on duty. He was only suspended for a month. Now shut up.”
Danny Madigan – “Listen to what I’m saying. An animated cat just walked into the squad room. Hello.”
Jack Slater – “He’ll do it again tomorrow. So, what’s your point?”
Dekker – “That cat is one the best men I got.”
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Benedict – “Gentlemen. Since you are about to die anyway, I may as well tell you the entire plot. Think of villains Jack. You want Dracula? Dra-cool-la? Hang on, I’ll fetch him. Dracula? Huh. I can get King Kong! We’ll have a nightmare with Freddy Krueger, have a surprise party for Adolf Hitler, Hannibal Lecter can do the catering, and then we’ll have christening for Rosemary’s Baby! All I have to do is snap my fingers and they’ll be here. They’re lining up to get here, and do you know why Jack? Should I tell you why? Hmm? Because here, in this world, the bad guys can win!”
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Jack Slater – “Stop shouting! I’m not deaf!”
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Arnold Schwarzenegger – “The studio should let me know when they are planning a stunt. You know, you are the best celebrity look-alike I’ve ever seen. If you get to Los Angeles, call my office. We can get you shopping centre openings…”
Jack Slater – “Look, I don’t really like you. All right? You brought me nothing but pain.”
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Benedict – “I must warn you, I’ve killed people smarter and younger than you.”
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Nick – “This is a wonderful moment for me, Mr. Slater. I’ve never met a fictional character before. How new and exciting this must all be for you.”
Jack Slater – “Hey, I just found out I was imaginary. I mean, how would you feel is somebody made you up? Your job, your marriage, your kids. Oh, yeah. Let’s push his son off the building. Gives you nightmares for the rest of your life. But you’re fictional, so who cares? I’m sorry. But I don’t find this new and exciting to discover that my whole life has been a damn movie.”
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Danny Madigan – “I thought I was going to die.”
Jack Slater – “Well I’m sorry to disappoint you but you’re gonna live to enjoy all the glorious fruits life has got to offer – acne, shaving, premature ejaculation… and your first divorce.”
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Jack Slater – “You’ve seen these movies where they say “Make my day” or “I’m your worst nightmare”? Well, listen to this one: Rubber baby buggie bumpers!”
(Turns to Danny)
Jack Slater – “Ha! You didn’t know I’m gonna say that, did you?”
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Ripper’s Agent – “Did Nicholson show up for the premiere of “Batman” dressed as the Joker? I don’t THINK so!”
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Jack Slater – “You don’t understand. You just solved the entire case. you just revolutionized the entire history of police training. I mean all these years at the academy, studying human character, psyche of the terrorists, fingerprint analysis, all the courses that I’ve taken in surveillance, hostage negotiation, and criminal psychology, when all I have to do is drive around the neighbourhood, point my finger at a house, and say, “the bad guys are in there!”?”
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James Belushi – “I’m not really a big fan of Arnold’s… She is, you know… Arnold really turns her on and I just want to be there when it happens.”
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Tough Guy – “May I help you?”
Jack Slater – “Yes, could I speak to the drug dealer of the house, please?”
Tough Guy – “I beg your pardon?”
Jack Slater – “It’s a beautiful day and we’re out killing drug dealers. Are there any in the house?”
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Hamlet – “To be or not to be?”
Hamlet – “Not to be.”
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Benedict – “If God was a villain, he’d be me.”
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Danny Madigan – “You think you are funny, don’t you?”
Jack Slater – “I know I am. I’m the famous comedian Arnold Braunschweiger.”
Danny Madigan – “Schwarzenegger!”
Jack Slater – “Gesundheit.”
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Video Girl – “You were in a movie?”
Jack Slater – “Yes. It was called “The Girl of My Dreams”. It starred you. As a matter of fact, there was this very romantic scene where we had dinner together.”
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And finally…
Jack Slater – “I’ll be back! Ha! You didn’t know I was gonna say that, did you?”
Danny Madigan – “That’s what you always say!”
Jack Slater – “I do?”
Danny Madigan – “Everyone keeps waiting for you to work it in. It’s kind of like your calling card.”
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Thank you for taking the time to stop by It’s A Stampede! to check out the best Last Action Hero movie quotes. For more movie-related posts, be sure to take a look at the recommended reads below.
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