In 1992, The Muppets took to the big screen for a hilarious and heartfelt adaptation of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. The movie, directed by Brian Henson, starred Kermit the Frog as Bob Cratchit, Gonzo as Charles Dickens, and Michael Caine as Ebenezer Scrooge,

The Muppet Christmas Carol was and still is a superb take on the classic festive story, and one which gets revisited year after year. It is also a movie which is filled with great quotes.

In this post I am taking a look at the best quotes from The Muppet Christmas Carol. These are the lines which highlight why this is such an enjoyable movie.

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Image: ©Buena Vista Pictures

Gonzo – “My name is Charles Dickens.”

Rizzo the Rat – “And my name is Rizzo the Rat… wait a second! You’re not Charles Dickens!”

Gonzo – “I am too!”

Rizzo the Rat – “No! A blue furry Charles Dickens who hangs out with a rat?”

Gonzo – “Absolutely!”

Rizzo the Rat – “Charles Dickens was a 19th Century novelist! A genius!”

Gonzo – “Oh, you are too kind!”

Rizzo the Rat – “Why should I believe you?”

Gonzo – “Well, because I know the story of A Christmas Carol like the back of my hand!”

Rizzo the Rat – “Prove it!”

Gonzo – “All right! Um, there’s a little mole on my thumb, and um, a scar on my wrist from when I fell off my bike…”

Rizzo the Rat – “No, no, no, don’t tell us your hand, tell us the story!”

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Ebenezer Scrooge – “Let us deal with the eviction notices for tomorrow, Mr. Cratchit.”

Kermit the Frog – “Uh, tomorrow’s Christmas, sir.”

Ebenezer Scrooge – “Very well. You may gift wrap them.”

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Gonzo – “There he is, Mr. Ebenezer Scrooge.”

Rizzo the Rat – “Say, is it getting colder out here?”

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Robert Marley – “You will be haunted by three spirits.”

Ebenezer Scrooge – “Haunted? I’ve already had enough of that.”

Jacob Marley – “Without these visits, you cannot hope to avoid the path we tread.”

Robert Marley – “Expect the first ghost tonight, when the bell tolls one!”

Ebenezer Scrooge – “Can’t I meet them all at once and get it over with?”

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Ebenezer Scrooge – “Christmas is a very busy time for us, Mr. Cratchit. People preparing feasts, giving parties, spending the mortgage money on frivolities. One might say that December is the foreclosure season. Harvest time for the money-lenders.”

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Sam the Eagle – “Tomorrow, you become a man of business!”

Young Scrooge – “I’m looking forward to it, Headmaster.”

Sam the Eagle – “Mm, you will love business. It is the AMERICAN WAY!”

Gonzo – “Uh Sam?”

Gonzo – “It’s just that the story takes place in England.”

Sam the Eagle – “Oh… It is the BRITISH WAY!”

Young Scrooge – “Yes, headmaster.”

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Image: ©Buena Vista Pictures

Ebenezer Scrooge – “I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody like you before.”

Ghost of Christmas Present – “Really? Over 1800 of my brothers have come before me!”

Ebenezer Scrooge – “1800? Imagine the grocery bills!”

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Belinda Cratchit – “I thought you said we couldn’t eat the chestnuts until Father and Tiny Tim get home.”

Miss Piggy – “I-I-I-I wasn’t eating them, I was… I was merely checking them to see if they were not burnt. It’s a chef’s thing, dear. And do not shout, Betina.”

Belinda Cratchit – “I’m Belinda!”

Betina Cratchit – “I’m Betina!”

Miss Piggy – “Uh, o-of course you are, uh, Betina.”

Belinda Cratchit – “Belinda!”

Miss Piggy – “Whatever.”

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Ebenezer Scrooge – “Spirit, tell me if Tiny Tim will live.”

Ghost of Christmas Present – “That is the future. My realm is the present. However, I see a vacant seat by the chimney corner and a crutch without an owner. If these shadows remain unaltered, I believe the child will die. But, what then? If he’s going to die, he’d better do it and decrease the surplus population.”

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Ebenezer Scrooge – “If I could work my will, every idiot who goes around with “Merry Christmas” on his lips would be cooked with his own turkey and buried with a stake of holly through his heart!”

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Fozziwig – “My speech! Here’s my Christmas speech. Ahem. “Thank you all, and Merry Christmas.””

Jacob Marley – “That was the speech?”

Robert Marley – “It was dumb!”

Jacob Marley – “It was obvious!”

Robert Marley – “It was pointless!”

Jacob Marley – “It was… short!”

Jacob Marley, Robert Marley – “I loved it!”

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Gonzo – “Once again, I must ask you to remember that the Marleys were dead, and decaying in their graves.”

Rizzo the Rat – “Yuck!”

Gonzo – “That one thing you must remember, or nothing that follows will seem wondrous.”

Rizzo the Rat – “Why are you whispering?”

Gonzo – “It’s for dramatic emphasis.”

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Image: ©Buena Vista Pictures

Fozziwig – “At this time in the proceedings, it is a tradition for me to make a little speech.”

Jacob Marley – “And it’s a tradition for us to take a little nap!”

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Kermit the Frog – “If you please Mr. Scrooge, it’s gotten colder, and the bookkeeping staff would like to have an extra shovel full of coal for the fire?”

Rat #1 – “We can’t do the bookkeeping, all our pens have turned to inkcicles!”

Rat #2 – “Our assets are frozen!”

Ebenezer Scrooge – “How would the bookkeepers like to be suddenly… UNEMPLOYED?”

Rats – “HEAT WAVE. This is my island in the sun…”

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Mrs. Dilber – “I’ve got his blankets.”

Old Joe – “Ah, his blankets… Why, Mrs. Dilber, they’re still warm! I don’t pay extra for the warmth, you know.”

Mrs. Dilber – “You should. It’s the only warmth he ever had.”

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Ebenezer Scrooge – “Bob Cratchit, I’ve had my fill of this.”

Miss Piggy – “And I have had my fill of you, Mr. Scrooge.”

Ebenezer Scrooge – “And therefore, Bob Cratchit…”

Miss Piggy – “And therefore, you can leave this house at once.”

Ebenezer Scrooge – “And therefore, I’m about to raise your salary!”

Miss Piggy – “Ooh, and I am about to raise you right off the pavement…! Pardon?”

Kermit the Frog – “Pardon?”

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Gonzo – “You were never a lonely child?”

Rizzo the Rat – “I had twelve hundred and seventy four brothers and sisters.”

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Ebenezer Scrooge – “What business has brought you here?”

Ghost of Christmas Past – “Your welfare.”

Ebenezer Scrooge – “Heh, a night’s unbroken rest might aid my welfare.”

Ghost of Christmas Past – “Your salvation, then.”

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Fred – “Uncle, come and have Christmas dinner with me and Clara tomorrow.”

Ebenezer Scrooge – “Why ever did you get married?”

Fred – “Why? Because I fell in love.”

Ebenezer Scrooge – “That’s the only thing in the world sillier than a merry Christmas.”

Fred – “It’s no use, Uncle. I shall keep my Christmas humour to the last. A merry Christmas to you. And a happy new year.”

Kermit the Frog – “Merry Christmas, Fred.”

Fred – “Merry Christmas, Bob.”

Ebenezer Scrooge – “Humbug!”

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Ebenezer Scrooge – “What’s today?”

Bean Bunny – “Pardon?”

Ebenezer Scrooge – “What’s today, my fine fellow?”

Bean Bunny – “Today? Why, today is Christmas Day.”

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Tiny Tim Cratchit – “God bless us, everyone.”

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And finally…

Image: ©Buena Vista Pictures

Ebenezer Scrooge – “I, I will honour Christmas, and try to keep it all the year! I will live my life in the past, the present, and the future. I will not shut out the lessons the spirits have taught me!”

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Thank you for stopping by It’s A Stampede! to read this post about the best quotes from The Muppets Christmas Carol. For more festive fun, be sure to check out the recommended reads below, where you will find further holiday-related posts.

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