I watch a lot of movies, yet every year a handful of films I really want to watch pass me by. Often this is because I simply don’t have the time to watch everything I would like to – even movies that have been recommended to me.

One such movie is Mandy – the 2018 action horror movie from director, Panos Cosmatos. I’ve heard that this is a movie I HAVE TO WATCH.

Truth is, this film has been on my radar for a while now, but I’ve simply not had chance to watch it.

Until tonight.

Tonight I am going to make time to watch Mandy – and I’m going to blog along with the movie.

My understanding is that Mandy is very good… and yet completely bonkers.

I can’t wait to see what this film is all about.

Image: ©RJLE Films

*Clicks play*

3mins 30secs – I’m already in LOVE with the soundtrack to this movie. Even if the film turns out to be shite, I could happily sit and listen to two hours of this music.

8mins 30secs – There’s a strange hypnotic quality to Mandy. I don’t know what it is, but I feel incredibly mellow and chilled out right now. Am I being lulled into a false sense of security or has someone dropped a psychotropic drug into my bangers and mash?

9mins – I can hear colours.

9mins 30secs – Hmm… who has written the score for this film? It’s like an incredibly laid back Vangelis.

*Googles composer of Mandy*

According to Wikipedia the composer of Mandy was Jóhann Gunnar Jóhannsson, who sadly passed away last year. Ah man, this is an excellent score.

19mins – I’m both transfixed and creeped out by this film in equal measures and not much has happened yet.

23mins 40secs – “Do you have the Horn of Abraxas?” Erm… no – it’s just the way I walk.

31mins – There is some seriously creepy, weird-ass shit going on now. I have no idea what I’m viewing, but it’s rather strange.

Image: ©RJLE Films

36mins – WHAT IS GOING ON?! It’s as if I’m watching someone’s nightmare.

36mins 10secs – …a nightmare that is disturbingly beautiful.

37mins 30secs – Nicolas Cage and his wife (Andrea Riseborough) have been kidnapped by a cult. As is the case with most cults, all of the members are just crazy.

38mins – Why do cults attract such nut jobs? Do they put ‘must be insane to join’ on the recruitment posters?

Do cults use recruitment posters, or do they just kidnap and brainwash people?

Asking for a friend.

43mins – If you’ve never watched Mandy, then imagine a cross between The Wicker Man, Hellraiser, The Witch, Mad Max and every glam rock performance from the 1970s-era of Top of the Pops. Can you imagine that? Yeah, now add in the Manson Family, the sounds of Tangerine Dream, every Wes Craven and John Carpenter film from the ’80s and top off with some mind-altering drugs. Are you still with me? Well, even if you are you’re still not quite where Mandy is right now. This is a whole new level of insanity.

50mins – I’m just under half-way into this movie and Nicolas Cage is being very restrained. What is this? Is this even a Nicolas Cage movie if Nicolas Cage doesn’t go bat-shit insane?

56mins – Cage is watching his wife being set on fire – that’s sure to send him over the edge. I think I’m about to experience an unparalleled level of acting. #CageRage

58mins – Hmm… I’d say he’s more upset than angry. I honestly expected more emotion.

1hr 3mins 30secs – Erm… What the heck is this?

Image: ©RJLE Films

The Cheddar Goblin? What is this fresh level of hell?

*Stares at the screen in disbelief*

1hr 5mins – Things can only get less freaky from here, right?

Image: ©RJLE Films

1hr 5mins 30secs – There are no words.

Seriously.

NO WORDS!

1hr 8mins – Predator star, Bill Duke has just turned up! Maybe he can inject some sense into this picture.

1hr 8mins 30secs – Nicolas Cage. Bill Duke. Two men. Each with the ability to act the other off the screen. Who will win?

It’s too close to call.

1hr 20mins – Ah shit… things are about to go full-on Cage crazy.

1hr 32mins – Or maybe not.

1hr 38mins – OK, so now Cage has a chainsaw. I’m still not entirely sure what is going on and I’ve been watching this film for over an hour and a half.

1hr 47mins – …………………….??!?

1hr 48mins – I’m so confused.

1hr 50mins – An accurate representation of my feelings while watching Mandy.

1hr 51mins – I think the film is over. It’s also possible that I’m no longer in control of my mind.

*Clicks stop*

Wow.

Just wow.

That was some film.

I don’t know if it was a masterpiece of cinema or just a really extensive pastiche of every movie and rock video from the 1970s and 1980s. I feel like I’ve been on a journey to a very dark place, with Nicolas Cage as my guide.

I think I may need therapy.

And what the hell was the Cheddar Goblin all about?

I definitely need therapy.