Cast your mind back to the ’00s and you will recall the release of two live-action Hellboy movies starring Ron Perlman. The films were directed by Guillermo del Toro and were fun fantasy pictures which were well received by audiences and Hellboy fans alike.
The two films were designed to be part of a trilogy, with a third and final film in the pipeline. However, due to issues surrounding funding, that third film never materialised and we got a reboot in 2019 instead.
The reboot – directed by Neil Marshall and starring David Harbour – had no involvement from Perlman or del Toro, and was truly bloody abysmal. In fact, it was not worth the time or money involved and it was both a critical and commercial failure.
At this point, the Hellboy franchise seemed dead in the water, and no one expected to see Hellboy again for some time. However, to everyone’s surprise, there is now yet another Hellboy movie to watch, dislike, and/or ignore, and it is currently playing in UK cinemas!
However, if you wish to watch the film on the big screen (and I’m not sure you do), you had best be quick. Believe me when I say, the movie will not be sticking around long, because yes, you guessed it, it’s a bit rubbish.
So rubbish in fact, the film is skipping US cinemas completely. In the States, this new Hellboy film is going direct to video-on-demand platforms from October 8th, which is arguably where it should have gone over here.
Anyway, for those who care, this new Hellboy movie is called Hellboy: The Crooked Man. Directed by Brian Taylor the film stars Jack Kesy as Hellboy, alongside a supporting cast which includes Adeline Rudolph, Leah McNamara, Jefferson White, and Martin Bassindale.
As for the story, the year is 1959 and Hellboy and his colleague, a rookie Bureau of Paranormal Reseach and Defense agent named Bobbie Jo Song, find themselves stranded in rural Appalachia. Here they become aware of a small community haunted by witches, as well as an evil entity known as the Crooked Man.
OK, let’s put things into perspective here:
The first two Hellboy movies – Hellboy 2004 and Hellboy: The Golden Army – were produced on a budget of $66 million and $85 million, respectively. This made them fairly well-priced affairs, with a certain level of spectacle that came as a result of the investment.
When it came to producing the 2019 Hellboy reboot, the budget was scaled back, and Neil Marshall had to work from a budget of $50 million. As a result, the film looked like a noticeable downgrade from what came before.
In terms of this new offering, Hellboy: The Crooked Man, director Brian Taylor has been given a budget of just $20 million to play with. This is of course another noticeable downgrade, which is clearly very limiting.
It is limiting in terms of the story that can be told and the visual effects that can be shown on screen. As such, even though this film was always likely to be crap, there is a reason as to why it is as crap as it is, and this is simply because there is no money here.
Everyone involved is probably doing the best they can, but there is only so much anyone can do. You can’t polish a turd, and you certainly can’t shoot a decent looking fantasy film, if you don’t have the cash in the bank.
So, what is bad about Hellboy: The Crooked Man? Well, pretty much everything.
The story is simplistic, hollow, and just plain dull; the actors are cheap; and the special effects are piss-poor. At times the movie feels like a fan film, and there’s nothing here which is new, exciting, or creative.
Hellboy: The Crooked Man looks like a low-rent direct-to-VHS title from the ’90s and it acts like a low-rent direct-to-VHS title from the ’90s. If you were to watch 2004’s Hellboy and then watch Hellboy: The Crooked Man, the difference in what is on screen is night and day.
On a more positive note, Jack Kesy isn’t too bad as Hellboy, despite not quite looking the part. He lacks the screen presence of Perlman, as well as the swagger, but he does his best with the material he is given and I imagine some fans will warm to him.
I expect this will be the only time we see Kesy in the role of Hellboy, but he doesn’t embarrass himself so should walk away unscathed. The film may be lacklustre, but it’s not his fault, so I hope it doesn’t become a blot on his CV.
As for everything else, well, there really isn’t anything to recommend. If you want to watch a badly lit Hellboy movie, which lacks any real sparkle, then have at it.
__
__
Thank you for taking the time to read this review on It’s A Stampede!. For more reviews, check out the recommended reads below.
It's A Stampede! 
Leave a comment