As we enter the dying days of the summer blockbuster season, we find the film industry doesn’t have much left to offer us other than the dregs. And this brings me neatly on to this week’s new release, The Crow.
Now I know what you’re thinking, ‘wait a minute, wasn’t The Crow released back in 1994?’ Well, yes, it was, but that was the original Crow, starring Brandon Lee, while this is the remake, starring Bill Skarsgård, FKA Twigs, and Danny Huston.
‘A remake’, I hear you cry. Sacrilege!
Well, quite possibly, but after three unsuccessful sequels in City of Angels, Salvation, and Wicked Prayer, it was only a matter of time before a remake was on the cards. And to be clear, a remake has been in the pipeline for sometime.
In fact, The Crow remake has been coming down the track for donkey’s years. The film, which is now playing in cinemas, has languished in development hell for so long, I never actually believed it would become a reality.
But hey ho, here we are at the end of a fairly uneventful summer and director Rupert Sanders’ The Crow has finally arrived. And it’ll probably come as no surprise to anyone that his film is largely a misfire.
Oh, and if you want further proof, the review embargo on this picture was in place until the day of release. That in itself should speak volumes.
Anyway, do you want the story? Oh, ok then.
Eric Draven (Skarsgård) is in a rehab facility when he meets fellow patient, Shelly Webster. The two hit it off and find themselves drawn to one another.
But when some shady characters arrive at the facility in search of Shelly, the two breakout of the centre and hotfoot it back to the city. Here they attempt to lie low, while having sex in a posh penthouse, smoking in a bathtub, drinking and taking drugs, and generally doing edgy things because they are edgy people.
For Eric and Shelly life couldn’t be any better right now. But their idyllic existence soon comes to a screeching halt when Shelly’s past catches up with her and both she and Eric are murdered.
A short while later, Eric returns from beyond the grave surrounded by crows and in the presence of a stranger with some key information about his apparent resurrection. Eric then discovers he has been given a brief opportunity to return to the mortal world to enact revenge.
Now, if you’re a fan of the original Crow, you’ll know that based on the premise set out above this new movie isn’t an exact scene-by-scene remake. Sure, this new film shares some of the same elements as the original, and they head in a similar direction, but they are different beasts.
But here’s the thing: The original film managed to tell its story really well, and 30 years on from its initial release it still holds up and people still want to watch it. I very much doubt the same thing will be said about this new iteration when we are three decades on from now.
The 2024 version of The Crow lacks the flair and simplicity of the first film. Sure, it has occasional moments of interest, but on the whole it just doesn’t quite work, and so much of it feels unnecessary.
For example, in the ‘94 version, Eric and Shelly are killed off pretty quickly and the audience is brought into a story of revenge within minutes. In this 2024 version, it takes 40 minutes (in a one-hour-40-minute film) for Eric and Shelly to die, and boy do those 40 minutes feel dragged out and pointless.
And in this time, Rupert Sanders attempts to sell the love story between the two lead characters, but mostly fails. As such, it becomes quite difficult to buy into the idea Eric is on a mission to avenge his lost love, because their romance seems hollow.
It also doesn’t help that FKA Twigs’ acting is as wooden as Sherwood Forest. Skarsgård is fine, but Twigs isn’t, and this makes the first section of the movie quite tedious.
In fact, ‘tedious’ is probably the best word to describe the movie, along with ‘uninspiring’ and ‘boring’. It all feels like a pointless exercise in pointlessness, and I’m afraid all those years in development have done nothing to improve this offering.
In fairness to The Crow, this isn’t the worst entry in the series. Yet that said, when you only have one stellar entry in five, that’s not saying much.
But hey, it could be utter dog poo and it’s not. So if this film’s greatest crime is that it falls into the ‘meh’ category quite easily then we should probably count ourselves lucky this is all we have to deal with.
However, I can’t help but feel Hollywood has spent 30 years trying to match the success of the original and has consistently wasted time and money in the process. The Crow from ‘94 was great, none of the movies that followed have been any good, so why bother?
Heck, maybe it’s time to go back to television for the next offering. The ‘90s TV series, The Crow: Stairway to Heaven wasn’t bad, so maybe this is the best route moving forward.
If I am to chuck any positives at the film, then I’ll say the fight scenes in The Crow are decent and the movie doesn’t forget its supernatural roots. The ending is fine too, and I do appreciate the efforts made to do something a bit different from what came before.
But as is often the case, if it ain’t broke, why attempt to fix it? Or perhaps I should say, just watch the original instead.
Ultimately The Crow is slow, it lacks any real flavour, and is largely a redundant remake. OK, so it is better than City of Angels and Wicked Prayer, but it is not a patch on the first instalment and I’m not sure it’s any better than Salvation.
Skarsgård does his best, and the audience is at least treated to various shots of his chiselled abs (which nobody is complaining about), but sadly this isn’t a good enough reason to spend money on this film. If you want to see his perfect torso I’m sure Google can help you out.
Anyway, I’ll leave you with this: One hour and ten minutes into the film, Eric Draven asks the all-important question, why am I back here? After watching 2024’s The Crow, I have to ask the same thing.
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Thank you for taking the time to read this review on It’s A Stampede!. For more reviews, check out the recommended reads below.
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