Currently playing in UK and US cinemas is the spy action comedy, Argylle. The film – directed by Matthew Vaughn – stars Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Henry Cavill, John Cena, Catherine O’Hara, Bryan Cranston, and Samuel L. Jackson, and tells the story of a reclusive author who is drawn into the world of espionage when her life suddenly mirrors events in her novels.
In the movie, Elly Conway is a novelist who is just finishing up the latest instalment in her book series, which revolves around super-spy Aubrey Argylle. However, while Elly is mostly happy with the book, and ready to sign off on it, her mother has her doubts about the ending and suggests they work on it over the weekend.
After reluctantly agreeing, Elly boards a train on her way to her mother’s house, where she meets a mysterious man named Aidan. Aidan tells Elly he is a spy, and she is about to be attacked by a group of agents from a shadowy organisation known as the Division.
According to Aidan, the Division is after a top secret file which they believe Elly will be able to locate. The Division believes Elly is the key to achieving their goal, because her novels are frighteningly close to real-life spy missions, and she seems to know her stuff.
Although Elly dismisses Aidan’s story, she soon comes to believe him when they come under attack on the train. But is there more to Aidan’s story than there first appears and if so, why is Elly so important?
Boasting a decent cast, a good set design, and one or two OK action sequences, Argylle has the potential to be a fab movie. In fact, it is one of those films which has enough going for it, that I should spend the next three or four paragraphs singing its praises and telling you how enjoyable it all is.
However, while I should be doing this, I am sadly unable to, because despite some bright spots and the aforementioned potential which Argylle has up its sleeve, the film is nothing more than an overcooked misfire. Argylle is largely a messy affair, which at best is watchable, at worst is tiresome, but for the most part is quite dull.
I want to tell you it’s worth a watch, but it simply isn’t. The longer it goes on, the worse it gets, and boy does it get worse.
Bryce Dallas Howard and Sam Rockwell do their best with the material they are given, and director Matthew Vaughn injects at least two enjoyable scenes into the film, but that’s about it. The action mostly falls flat; all attempts at humour are dead on arrival; and the story goes on, and on, and on.
The only highlight of the film comes during the third act, when Bryce Dallas Howard gets a makeover and suddenly morphs into Claire Richards from British pop group, Steps. Howard isn’t intentionally supposed to look like Claire, but the resemblance between the two is so uncanny that it becomes the best moment in the entire film.
Outside of this, stuff happens, people are involved, and the audience is expected to care. But for the record, it’s very difficult to care, because the movie is all over the place.
All the way through Argylle, it feels almost impossible to become invested in the film. It doesn’t matter if characters live or die, nothing about the story quite catches, and this becomes evident very early on.
It’s as if director Matthew Vaughn knows what he wants from the film, and decides to run with it, yet he fails to take anyone with him. You can almost see him jumping for joy having a whale of a time with his ‘clever’ movie, but he fails to realise it’s not half as clever as he thinks it is, and this is a huge problem.
And this brings me neatly onto the worst aspect of Argylle: The film’s relentless desire to serve up an endless array of ‘cunning’ twists. Every once in a while another twist is presented, as the story attempts to pivot in a new direction, and every time this happens it becomes tiresome.
The film has so many twists and turns it all feels incredibly exhausting. Even Chubby Checker would need a sit down after twisting as much as this film does.
While I admit there are a couple of enjoyable moments in Argylle, including a daft sequence involving figure skating, the majority of the film is draining. The story is repetitive; the characters are paper thin; and the whole thing runs on way too long.
And don’t even get me started on the visual effects which are terrible. At times it’s difficult to tell if the effects are intentionally shoddy, in order to lean into moments of parody, or they’re just rubbish because the effects team wasn’t given enough time to complete the job.
I suspect the latter, but in all honesty, I don’t know and I don’t care. The more I think about the film, the more frustrated I am becoming, and this isn’t making me like it any better.
Argylle could and should be a hoot, but it squanders its potential early doors and gets bogged down in a story which fails to excite. The film’s cast try their best with what they are given, and Bryce Dallas Howard is Argylle‘s best asset, but even she can’t save this picture from itself.
Unless you’re a die-hard fan of Matthew Vaughn’s work, or you’re at a loose-end for a couple of hours with nothing better to do, I suggest giving Argylle a miss. The film is simply not as good as it wants to be, and the more time you spend in its company, the more time you wish you were somewhere else.
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