Currently playing in UK and US cinemas, before it makes its way onto Amazon Prime Video very shortly, is the psychological black comedy thriller, Saltburn. The movie – written and directed by Emerald Fennell – stars Barry Keoghan, Jacob Elordi, Rosamund Pike, Richard. E. Grant, and Carey Mulligan, and tells the story of a university student who becomes obsessed with a wealthy friend.
In the movie, the year is 2006 and Oliver Quick is a student at Oxford. Oliver is an intelligent young man, who keeps up with his studies and has the ability to go far.
One day, while out for a bike ride, he meets fellow student Felix Catton. Felix has a flat tire, and is late for lectures, so Oliver offers him the use of his bicycle.
The bicycle incident paves the way for a friendship to develop between the two men. This in turn leads Oliver to become infatuated with Felix as the academic year plays out.
When the summer comes around, and the semester concludes, Felix invites Oliver to stay at his family estate, Saltburn. Here Oliver spends time with Felix’s eccentric family and friends, and becomes part of one long summer get-together.
*Sigh*
To say Saltburn is an odd movie is a bit of an understatement. To say it is an acquired taste is arguably more accurate.
To say it bored the life out of me would be closer to the truth. And to say I found the whole thing incredibly dull would be pretty much spot on.
The story is all over the place, the performances follow suit, and it all feels kind of pointless. To begin with, Saltburn appeared to have some kind of direction, and I was mildly interested, but it squandered this quite quickly in the pursuit of trying to be clever.
The best way to describe Saltburn is that watching the film is akin to having a hangover. There are parts which seem never-ending; there are brief moments of apathy and horniness; and there is the overriding feeling of regret, because time is slipping away on what essentially amounts to a complete waste of existence.
Is this me saying Saltburn is a
life-sucking picture devoid of any merit? Maybe – I’ll allow you to come to your own conclusion. It’s certainly not the best use of anyone’s time, that’s for sure, nor is it the best use of money.
Saltburn is two-and-a-bit-hours of stuff and things happening, for reasons. Im not convinced anyone in the movie knows what they are supposed to be doing at all points in time, and this becomes very apparent in the baggy mid-section of the movie.
I also can’t quite understand who signed off on the ever-reliable Barry Keoghan doing a Liverpudlian accent throughout the film. Barry, I love you, and you were superb in The Banshees of Inisherin, but it took me an hour to realise you were trying to do a Scouse accent, and I’m still not 100% certain that’s what it was.
Ropey accent aside, Keoghan is of course good in the role of Oliver, as is Jacob Elordi as Felix and there is at least something here of value. The same can be said for supporting players Pike, Grant, and Mulligan.
The problem is, while everyone is doing their own schtick, and it is fine in-and-of-itself, the actors all seem to be doing it in a completely different movie from each other. Pike is hamming it up over here, Grant is being a bit whacky over there, and Mulligan is on another planet entirely.
Everything is all a bit weird, a great deal of it is pretentious, and you can’t help but feel this is all some kind of experimental vanity project. It exists, it happens, it takes up space in the world, but is it necessary?
Of course, I imagine some audiences will see things from a completely different angle and will view Saltburn as a modern masterpiece. And while this take on the film may be perfectly valid, because movie criticism is subjective, I should point out that some people would benefit from psychological counselling.
Without giving too much away about the movie, there is a moment in Saltburn when one character shags a grave. Yep, full on grave-shagging action.
This entire scene sums up my feelings about the movie. It’s cold, disconnected from reality, and (I presume) unsatisfying.
Is it the most unusual scene in the movie? Oddly, no.
The only three positives I can offer up about Saltburn are that a.) the soundtrack features some absolute bangers from the past which is great; b.) visually it’s impressive; and c.) I’m no longer watching the movie. It’s done, I’m now in the processing of typing up my thoughts and feelings, and with each word I write I get closer to not having to discuss Saltburn again.
This is the happiest I’ve been throughout the whole experience. It’s the small things in life which make all the difference.
Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes…
In summary, Saltburn starts off promising if a little familiar, descends into a complete mess in the middle, remains there for some time, then claws its way back for the last five minutes. Those last five minutes are decent, and anyone with a desire to see Barry Keoghan’s schlong will be pleased, but it’s really not worth having to sit through two hours of energy-sapping drivel to get to this point.
Writer/director Emerald Fennell offers up something which does prompt a reaction, and there are moments when the visuals drive things along, but too much is fumbled. If you are in anyway unsure of how I feel about Saltburn, let me make it clear: I didn’t care for it. I didn’t care for it at all.
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Thank you for taking the time to read this review on It’s A Stampede!. For more reviews, check out the recommended reads below.
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