In 2000, Sandra Bullock took to the big screen to appear in the hilarious action comedy, Miss Congeniality. In the movie, Bullock played Gracie Hart, a police detective who goes under cover at the Miss United States beauty pageant, to stop a domestic terrorist from detonating a bomb.

Due to the popularity of Miss Congeniality, in 2005 the movie was followed by a sequel, which continued Gracie Hart’s story. The film featured another round of action comedy, and as with its predecessor, it also featured some memorable and amusing quotes.

In this post I am looking at some of the best quotes from both Miss Congeniality (2000) and Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005). Below you will find a rundown of the best lines, to remind you why you found this film series so much fun.

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The best Miss Congeniality movie quotes

Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Gracie Hart – “I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven’t slept all night, I’m starved, and I’m armed! Don’t *mess* with me!”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Victor Melling – “If I’d ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you… which is perhaps why I’ve never reproduced.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Gracie Hart – “How about a real sorry?”

Sam Fuller – “Come again?”

Gracie Hart – “You heard me. I said how about a real sorry.”

Sam Fuller – “You are about to feel some real pain if you don’t back off.”

Gracie Hart – “You don’t want to talk to me about pain, sister. I invented pain alright.”

Sam Fuller – “You didn’t just call me sister, because I don’t recall seeing a little skinny ass white girl around the table growing up.”

Gracie Hart – “HEY! First of all thank you for calling me skinny, second of all what is your problem and third of all you’d better apologize to me.”

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

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Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Stan Fields – “Miss Rhode Island, please describe your idea of a perfect date.”

Cheryl “Rhode Island” – “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25th. Because it’s not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Gracie Hart – “It’s lite beer, and she’s gonna throw it up anyway.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Gracie Hart – “I just don’t see why I can’t be Tina!”

Sam Fuller – “You don’t see that?”

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

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Sam Fuller – “I am not going out there as a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be Tina Turner. I can’t afford therapy on my salary.”

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

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Gracie Hart – “Where am I gonna keep my gun?”

Eric Matthews – “Nowhere I wanna know about!”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Gracie Hart – “The last time I was this naked in public I was coming out of a uterus!”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Stan Fields – “There’s a cannon in my porthole!”

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

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Cheryl “Rhode Island” – “My idea of a perfect date would be a man who takes me to a romantic dinner, and then we walk along the beach barefoot discussing books and – and music and – and movies.”

Karen “New York” – “No wonder you’re still a virgin.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Gracie Hart – “You think I’m gorgeous, you want to kiss me… You want to hug me… You want to love me… You want to hug me… You want to smooch me… You want to…”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Janet – “Tell us where they went or we’ll arrest you for obstructing justice and throw you in prison.”

Joel – “Which prison?”

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

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Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Gracie Hart – “Wake up and smell the iced vente decaf caramel macchiato!”

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

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Stan Fields – “Prepare for what promises to be a day of astounding musical, theatrical, and dancing talent. And after I’m finished you can see the ladies!”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Eric Matthews – “All right, here’s your new IDs. For pageant identity.”

Gracie Hart – “Gracie Lou Freebush?”

Eric Matthews – “Yeah, remember, you like that name.”

Gracie Hart – “Yeah, well, my IQ just dropped ten points.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Gracie Hart – “In Hawaii, don’t they use aloha for, like, hello and goodbye?”

Gracie Hart – “So?”

Gracie Hart – “So, if you’re on the phone with somebody and they won’t stop talking, how do you get them? You say, ‘Okay take care, aloha’ don’t they just start over again?”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Tobin – “Whatever happened to World Peace?”

Gracie Hart – “It comes and goes!”

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

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Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Joel – “How do you feel about a push-up bra?”

Gracie Hart – “How would you feel about a genital-shocking taser gun?”

Joel – “I’m open to it.”

Gracie Hart – “…Okay.”

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

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Kathy Morningside – “New Jersey, as you know, there are many who consider the Miss United States Pageant to be outdated and anti-feminist. What would you say to them?”

Gracie Hart – “Well, I would have to say – I used to be one of them. And then I came here and I realized that these women are smart, terrific people who are just trying to make a difference in the world. And we’ve become really good friends. I mean, I know we all secretly hope the other one will trip and fall on her face, and – wait a minute, I’ve already done that! And for me this experience has been one of the most rewarding and liberating experiences of my life.”

Victor Melling – “My God, I did it!”

Gracie Hart – “And if anyone, anyone – tries to hurt one of my new friends, I would take them out. I would make them suffer so much that they’d wish they were never born. And if they ran, I would hunt them down. Thank you, Kathy.”

Victor Melling – “A brief shining moment, and then that mouth!”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Victor Melling – “Your hair should make a statement.”

Gracie Hart – “As long as it doesn’t say ‘Thank you very much for the Country Music Award’!”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Victor Melling – “I haven’t seen a walk like that since “Jurassic Park”!”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Sam Fuller – “We need a big finish.”

Joel – “I can take my top off.”

Gracie Hart – “We need a GOOD big finish.”

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

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Karen “New York” – “I just want to let all the lesbians out there know: if I can make it to the top ten, so can you! Big out to Brooklyn! Yo!”

Dave the Pageant Director – “Get her off of there! Go to Stan!”

Karen “New York” – “Tina, I love you, baby!”

Tina – “Oh, Karen! I love you, Karen!”

Karen “New York” – “Yo, Tina! I love you, baby!”

Stan Fields – “And we’ll be right back with our final five lesbians – interviews!”

Dave the Pageant Director – “Bumper, commercial, can we say lesbians?”

Assistant Director – “You got a problem with that?”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Gracie Hart – “I don’t cry! I don’t even have tear ducts.”

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

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Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Gracie Hart – “I was dating him for a little while because he told me he had an incurable disease…”

All Girls – “Ooh.”

Gracie Hart – “Yeah, I didn’t realize it was stupidity.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Victor Melling – “Eyebrows. There should be two.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Karl Steele – “Don’t call me a moron. I have a BA in Fine Arts!”

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

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Eric Matthews – “This earpiece lets you hear anybody on our frequencies, and they can hear you.”

Gracie Hart – “Don’t need that, with all this foil in my hair I’m getting HBO.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Gracie Hart – “Look I know what I’m gonna do. I haven’t done this since high school but it’s like riding a bike.”

Victor Melling – “You are not having sex on this stage.”

Gracie Hart – “I didn’t know that was an option.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Victor Melling – “Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Gracie Hart – “My teeth – what are you going to do with my teeth?”

Victor Melling – “Hopefully, remove the beer stains and steak residue.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Victor Melling – “The interview is the single most important part of the pageant. It counts for 30 percent of your total score.”

Gracie Hart – “What’s the other 70 percent, cleavage?”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Eric Matthews – “You gotta admit, part of you is going to miss this.”

Gracie Hart – “I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something for my posture. And I’m suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts.”

Eric Matthews – “Funny, me too.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Victor Melling – “I’m sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Victor Melling – “Yes, yes. You *wear* the crown, *be* the crown, you *are* the crown!”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Victor Melling – “By the way, what are you planning to do for your talent: sing, dance, chew with your mouth closed?”

Gracie Hart – “I will do whatever you want me to do, Yoda.”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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And finally…

Image: ©Warner Bros. Pictures

Stan Fields – “What is the one most important thing our society needs?”

Gracie Hart – “That would be harsher punishment for parole violators, Stan.”

Gracie Hart – “And world peace!”

Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Thank you for stopping by It’s A Stampede! to read this post about the best Miss Congeniality movie quotes. For more classic movie content, be sure to check out the recommended reads below.

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