Home Alone is often regarded as one of the greatest Christmas movies of all time – and rightly so! The film is jam-packed with holiday fun, and is a thoroughly enjoyable comedy with some truly memorable moments.

But Home Alone is not just a great Christmas movie, it is also a great movie in general. The film has a strong collection of characters, some superb set pieces, and of course, some killer lines!

In this post, I am taking a look at some of the best dialogue from Home Alone to provide a rundown of the top quotes from the movie. These are the lines which stick with you long after the film is over.

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Kevin McCallister: “Can I sleep in your room? I don’t want to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he’ll wet the bed.”

Buzz McCallister: “I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room… if you were growing on my ASS!”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Kevin McCallister: “Everyone in this family hates me!”

Kate McCallister: “Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Kate McCallister: “Did I turn off the coffee?”

Peter McCallister: “No. I did.”

Kate McCallister: “Did you lock up?”

Peter McCallister: “Yeah.”

Kate McCallister: “Did we set the timers on the lights?”

Peter McCallister: “Yeah.”

Kate McCallister: “Did you close the garage?”

Peter McCallister: “That’s it. I forgot to close the garage, that’s it.”

Kate McCallister: “No, that’s not it.”

Peter McCallister: “Well, what else could we be forgetting?”

Kate McCallister: “KEVIN!”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Kate McCallister: “How could we do this? We forgot him.”

Peter McCallister: “We didn’t forget him, we just miscounted.”

Kate McCallister: “What kind of a mother am I?”

Frank McCallister: “If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses.”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Frank McCallister: “Look what you did, you little jerk!”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Santa Claus: “Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Kate McCallister: “Have you ever gone on vacation and left your child home?”

Gus Polinski: “No, no. But I did leave one at a funeral parlour once.”

Gus Polinski: “Yeah, it was awful. The wife was distraught and we left the little tyke there in the funeral parlour all day. All day. You know, we went back at night and apparently, he had been alone all day with the corpse. He was okay though, after two, three weeks he came around and started talking again…”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Jeff McCallister: “Kevin, you’re such a disease.”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Kevin McCallister: “No offense, aren’t you too old to be afraid?”

Marley: “You can be too old for a lot of things, but you’re never too old to be afraid.”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Kevin McCallister: “You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more?”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Cashier: “Are you here all by yourself?”

Kevin McCallister: “Ma’am, I’m eight years old. You think I would be here alone? I don’t think so.”

Cashier: “Where’s your mom?”

Kevin McCallister: “My mom’s in the car.”

Cashier: “Where’s your father?”

Kevin McCallister: “He’s at work.”

Cashier: “What about your brothers and your sisters?”

Kevin McCallister: “I’m an only child.”

Cashier: “Where do you live?”

Kevin McCallister: “Uh, I can’t tell you that.”

Cashier: “Why not?”

Kevin McCallister: “Because you’re a stranger.”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Marv: “Kids are scared of the dark.”

Harry: “You’re afraid of the dark, too, Marv.”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Kevin McCallister: “This is my house; I have to defend it.”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Marv: “What are we gonna do to him, Harry?”

Harry: “We’ll do exactly what he did to us: we’re gonna burn his head with a blowtorch!”

Marv: “And smash his face with an iron!”

Harry: “How about we slap him in the face with a paint can!”

Marv: “Or shove a nail through his foot!”

Harry: “First thing I’m gonna do is to bite off every one of these little fingers, one at a time…”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Linnie McCallister: “You know, Kevin, you’re what the French call les incompetents.”

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Image: ©20th Century/Disney

Kevin McCallister: “So, give it a shot, for your granddaughter anyway. I’m sure she misses you and the presents.”

Marley: “I send her a check.”

Kevin McCallister: “I wish my grandparents did that. They always send me clothes. Last year I got a sweater with a big bird knitted on it.”

Marley: “That’s nice.”

Kevin McCallister: “Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing something like that. Yeah, I had a friend who got nailed because there was a rumour he wore dinosaur pyjamas.”

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And finally…

Image: ©20th Century/Disney

‘Johnny’: “Who is it?”

‘Snakes’: “It’s me, Snakes. I got the stuff.”

‘Johnny’: “Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.”

‘Snakes’: “All right, Johnny, but what about my money?”

‘Johnny’: “What money?”

‘Snakes’: “Acey said you had some dough for me.”

‘Johnny’: “That a fact? How much do I owe ya?”

‘Snakes’: “Acey said 10%.”

‘Johnny’: “Too bad Acey ain’t in charge no more.”

‘Snakes’: “What do ya mean?”

‘Johnny’: “He’s upstairs takin’ a bath. He’ll call you when he gets out.”

‘Johnny’: “Hey, I tell ya what I’m gonna give you, Snakes.”

‘Johnny’: “I’m gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property… before I pump your guts full of lead!”

‘Snakes’: “All right, Johnny, I’m sorry. I’m goin’!”

‘Johnny’: “1… 2… 10!”

‘Johnny’: “Keep the change, ya filthy animal!”

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Thank you for taking the time to read this post about the best quotes from Home Alone. For more holiday-themed posts, be sure to check out the recommended reads below.

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