From 1988 to 1994, Leslie Nielsen appeared in three Naked Gun movies: The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988), The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear (1991) and The Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994). Across the course of these movies, Nielsen played Lieutenant Frank Drebin – a bumbling detective with some of the best dialogue committed to film.

Below are the best quotes from all three Naked Gun movies. If you are in need of a smile, then read, enjoy, and laugh a little!

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Best quotes from The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!

Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Mayor: “Drebin, I don’t want any more trouble like you had last year on the South Side. Understand? That’s my policy.”

Frank Drebin: “Yes. Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That’s my policy.”

Mayor: “That was a Shakespeare-In-The-Park production of “Julius Caesar”, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones.”

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Frank Drebin: “Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.”

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Frank Drebin: “Jane, since I’ve met you, I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before –birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.”

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Frank Drebin: “It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.”

Jane Spencer: “Goodyear?”

Frank Drebin: “No, the worst.”

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Jane Spencer: “I’ve heard police work is dangerous.”

Frank Drebin: “It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.”

Jane Spencer: “Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?”

Frank Dreblin: “I used to have that problem.”

Jane Spencer: “What did you do about it?”

Frank Drebin: “I just think about baseball.”

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Frank Drebin: “It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano; sure, it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.”

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Best quotes from The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear

Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Frank Drebin: “That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging out down there.”

Ed Hocken: “Sex, Frank?”

Frank Drebin: “Uh… no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.”

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Frank Drebin: “Miss, I’m Lt. Frank Drebin, and this is Captain Ed Hocken, Police Squad.”

Large breasted shop assistant: “Is this some kind of bust?”

Frank Drebin: “Well… it’s very impressive, yes, but we need to ask you a few questions.”

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Frank Drebin: “I’m single! I love being single! I haven’t had this much sex since I was a boy scout leader! I mean at the time I was dating a lot.”

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Frank Drebin: “Go ahead, threaten me like you have the American people for so long! You’re part of a dying breed, Hapsburg, like people who can name all fifty states! The truth hurts, doesn’t it, Hapsburg? Oh sure, maybe not as much as landing on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts!”

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Frank Drebin: “This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!”

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Banquet Doorman: “Your coat, sir?

Frank Drebin: “Yes, it is. And I have a receipt to prove it.”

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Quentin Hapsburg: “Que sera sera. You do speak French, don’t you?”

Frank Drebin: “Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way.”

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Best quotes from The Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult

Image: ©Paramount Pictures

Frank Drebin: “Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel things out.”

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Frank Drebin: “Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad.”

Guard: “Yeah, and I’m Robert De Niro.”

Frank Drebin: “Mr. De Niro, we’ve got to get inside.”

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Ed Hocken: “We heard about you and Jane.”

Frank Drebin: “Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.”

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Ed Hocken: “There’s only one way to find out where Rocco’s gonna strike next. We’re gonna have to send someone into Statesville Prison.”

Frank Drebin: “I’ll do it.”

Ed Hocken: “Frank, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t feel right about that. If Rocco finds out you’re a cop, you might end up dead!”

Frank Drebin: “You might end up dead is my middle name.”

Ed Hocken: “What about Jane?”

Frank Drebin: “I don’t know her middle name. But, Ed, I need the action. I’m going inside the big house.”

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Frank Drebin: “Cigarette?”

Tanya Peters: “Yes, I know.”

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Ed Hocken: “You haven’t shot anybody in six months.”

Frank Drebin: “That’s true. Funny how you miss the little things.”

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Frank Drebin: “Look, baby. I am what I am, and I do what I do. A few guys make shoelaces, some lay sod, others make a very good living neutering animals. I’m a cop!”

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Frank Drebin: “Cheer up, Ed. This is not goodbye. It’s just I won’t ever see you again.”

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Hopefully the above quotes have given you something to brighten your day. Now why not watch one (or all) of The Naked Gun films to put an extra smile on your chops.

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