Welcome to 90 from the ‘90s; the movie-related post in which I watch, discuss and debate a film from the 1990s – a film that I’ve NEVER SEEN. This morning’s entry is…

Mandroid (1993)

As with yesterday’s movie (Clockmaker), this is another low budget film that is currently available to stream on Amazon Prime Video. It looks pretty awful, but I am intrigued by the title.

Mandroid sounds like a super hero/comic book tale, right? This has to be at least mildly entertaining.

*Clicks the play button*

2mins 30secs – I can already tell this movie was produced on a budget of $2-$3. $4 tops.

7mins – Two scientists are arguing over their creation – the Mandroid! I presume they are trying to blame each other for producing such a shit robot.

8mins – Mandroid is an obvious name for this film but perhaps a more appropriate title would have been RoboCrap.

15mins – Nothing is happening!

24mins 30secs – I’m already a third of the way into this movie (thankfully) and I’m noticing a distinct lack of the Mandroid. Has the budget run out already?

27mins – Finally, something is happening. One of the Mandroid’s creators (the evil one) has just had his face melted off. A bit random, but hey ho – I’m just happy that something is happening.

31mins – The scientist with the melted face (let’s call him Dr. Meltface) has now threatened a homeless man. What a complete b@$t@rd.

35mins – OK, so this is just getting confusing. The homeless man is now working with Dr. Meltface.

42mins – The Mandroid is smashing rocks. Is this important? Did I miss something?

48mins – There’s a lot of random things going on in this movie:

  • Dr. Meltface is wearing a bee keeper mask
  • Mandroid is not a man-droid, but rather a droid operated by a man
  • One of the good guys is sort of fading out of existence
  • There are some rock/crystals that may have some significance(?!)
  • Dr. Meltface has built an evil Mandroid (I think)

51mins 30secs – Congratulations if you’re still following this, because I really have no clue as to what is happening.

53mins – ??????

57mins – It’s no good, I can’t follow this movie, I’m going to have to Google Mandroid for a little assistance.

*Googles ‘Mandroid IMDb’*

Ah, here we go – someone has uploaded a synopsis for Mandroid on IMDb. It reads as follows:

‘When a lab experiment goes wrong, Benjamin Knight is left invisible while his scientist friends trying to find a formula that will restore his visibility to last the rest of his life.’

Er…

What?

Firstly, that synopsis (sentence) does not make sense and secondly, what the heck does this have to do with the Mandroid?

???!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!??!?!?!?!

1hr 3mins – This film is terrible. It reminds me of a shit Marvel movie from the ’80s/’90s, such as Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD, The Punisher or Captain America.

1hr 4mins – Jeez, even that unreleased Roger Corman Fantastic Four movie was better than this tosh.

*Checks running time*

Yes! It’s almost over!

1hr 16mins – With less than a minute left to go, a hooker has just showed up for a topless shot!

WHAT THE FUDGE?!

Was this scene thrown in as a reward to all the straight men who sat through 75 minutes of this incomprehensible film?

What about the rest of us? What do we get? Oh wait, what’s this?

1hr 17mins – Is this a tease for the sequel?

According to the onscreen text ‘The adventure continues in Invisible: The Chronicles of Benjamin Knight – coming soon’. Is this a reward or a threat?

Hmm… I must make a note of this.

*Writes Invisible: The Chronicles of Benjamin Knight on a piece of paper*

I’ve just started a new list. A list of movies I WILL NEVER WATCH!

*Clicks stop button*

I would rather take a dump in my hand and clap than ever watch Mandroid again. The same goes for a sequel – if the sequel was ever made.

The script for Mandroid used every cliche in the book, yet still didn’t manage to use those cliches effectively. Also, what was the point of having a man-droid in the movie? It served no purpose and could easily have been removed from the picture to save on the nonexistent budget!

ARGGHH!!!

AWFUL MOVIE.

Truly awful.

For past entries in the 90 from the ’90s series, check out the likes of: Fear (1996), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996), FernGully: The Last Rainforest (1992)Free Willy (1993), My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997)Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992), Pump Up the Volume (1990), Hudson Hawk (1991), and Timecop (1994).