Welcome to 90 from the ‘90s; the movie-related post in which I watch, discuss and debate a film from the 1990s – a film that I’ve NEVER SEEN. Posting on a semi-regular basis, I aim to work my way through 90 movies that I’ve previously missed/avoided, recording my thoughts along the way.
I’m going to watch good films, bad films, forgotten classics, Oscar winners and everything in between. Some of these films you’ll be surprised I’ve never seen, others you’ll completely understand why I’ve avoided them for 20+ years.
The rules are as follows:
- The film must be from the 1990s (1990-1999)
- The film must be a movie I’ve not watched before
Today’s unseen ‘90s movie is…
We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story (1993)
The 1990s was the decade of the dinosaur – from Jurassic Park (1993), Super Mario Bros. (1993) and The Flintstones (1994) to Theodore Rex (1996) The Lost World (1997) and five sequels to The Land Before Time (1988). Sadly, the majority of dino-related stories (that weren’t Jurassic Park) were underwhelming.
Of the titles listed above, I watched most, but even I drew the line at all those sequels to The Land Before Time. I also didn’t watch the subject of today’s post – We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story.
Produced by Steven Spielberg, We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story is an animated movie about a group of dinos living in modern day America. The film features the vocal talents of John Goodman and Martin Short and I believe it received a theatrical release in the US, but only a VHS release in the UK.
That doesn’t bode well, does it?
I never watched We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story when it was released because I saw enough dino tales in the ’90s and this one didn’t look that great. Since its release I’ve simply had no desire to check it out.
*Clicks the play button*
3mins – Hmm… there’s a dinosaur playing golf. It’s John Goodman! It’s a John Goodmanasaur! Why is he playing golf?
3mins 30secs – I’m sure it’ll all be explained by the end of the movie.
5mins – Flashback to prehistoric times.
10mins – So, back during prehistoric times, a mean old T-Rex was munching his way through all the other dinosaurs when one day an alien and his time-travelling inventor pal arrive and feed the T-Rex some special breakfast cereal. The cereal changes the T-Rex’s personality and turns him into John Goodmanasaur – a talking, slightly more intelligent creature. The same happens with other dinosaurs.
11mins – During the ’90s, when this movie was made, we all believed that cereal could make us smarter. Nowadays we realise that cereal will give us Type 2 diabetes.
15mins – The dinosaurs have been transported to the future… to live in a museum. Why? Because some chump, with a God complex has taken dinosaurs out of their natural habitat, has pumped them full of sugar and has dumped them in New York. What an arse!
19mins – Upon arriving in New York, the dinosaurs have befriended a boy… who has no problem with hanging around with a T-Rex! Has he not watched Jurassic Park? Has he never read a book about dinosaurs? This kid is an idiot. He deserves to have his head bitten off.
21mins 30secs – Hang on a minute, I know that voice – it’s Yeardley Smith aka Lisa Simpson! Yeardley Smith is in this movie and all can hear is Lisa Simpson. I guess that’s what happens when you inhabit an iconic role for 30 years.
26mins 30secs – And now time for a musical number. A really bad musical number.
27mins 50secs – The dinosaurs are at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. A Spider-Man balloon can be seen in the background. Yay! Best part of the movie so far.2
38mins – There’s an evil man in this movie. He’s evil because he’s called Professor Screweyes. But was he always evil or did he become evil because people kept calling him Screweyes?
The bad man Professor Screweyes has turned the dinosaurs back into regular, non-talking dinos.
50mins – I have to say, the animation in this movie is pretty damn good. It’s not up to the standards of Disney, but it’s still very good.
55mins – On the brink of becoming blood thirsty killers (yes, even the vegetarian dinosaurs) all of the dinos have transformed back into nice creatures again.
1hr 3mins – End of flashback! Bloody hell, that was a long flashback!
1hr 4mins – Professor Screweyes’s plan has gone pear shaped, the dinosaurs now live in a museum and John Goodmanasaur plays golf. I still don’t know why, but he does and I’m just going to accept it.
Well, that was a short movie.
We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story is clearly aimed at a young demographic and as such it’s serviceable for tykes. But… that’s not to say it’s a good movie.
As someone who is (almost) 37-years-old and who likes a little more from his animated movies We’re Back! A Dinosaur Story is pretty lame. Visually it’s fine to look at, but the story is very weak and it really hasn’t stood the test of time.
Stand this movie next to most Disney movies from the past 80 years and you can see how poor it is. It’s probably best forgotten.
57 down; 33 to go.
For past entries in the 90 from the ’90s series, check out: Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), F/X2: The Deadly Art of Illusion (1991), Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999), Showgirls (1995), American History X (1998), North (1994), Jack Frost (1998), Psycho (1998), A League of Their Own (1992), Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992), Patch Adams (1998), My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997), Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992), You’ve Got Mail (1998), Sleepless in Seattle (1993), Graveyard Shift (1990), Johnny Mnemonic (1995), Striptease (1996), Indecent Proposal (1993), My Girl 2 (1994), The Ghost and the Darkness (1996), Poison Ivy (1996), Body of Evidence (1993), Turbulence (1997), Fatal Instinct (1993), True Romance (1993), Newsies (1992), Contact (1997), The Pelican Brief (1993), Natural Born Killers (1994), Shakespeare in Love (1998), A Perfect Murder (1998), Quigley Down Under (1990), Of Mice and Men (1992),Friday (1995), Mannequin on the Move (1991), She’s All That (1999), Double Dragon (1994), Stay Tuned (1992), Murder at 1600 (1997),Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), My Own Private Idaho (1991), Wagons East (1994), In the Line of Fire (1993), Postcards from the Edge (1990), Universal Soldier (1992), Passenger 57 (1992), Mo’ Better Blues (1990), The Client (1994), Good Will Hunting (1997), Pump Up the Volume (1990), Mr. Nanny (1993), Fargo (1996), Hudson Hawk (1991), So I Married An Axe Murderer (1993) and Timecop (1994).