Welcome to 90 from the ‘90s; the movie-related post in which I watch, discuss and debate a film from the 1990s – a film that I’ve NEVER SEEN. Posting on a semi-regular basis, I aim to work my way through 90 movies that I’ve previously missed/avoided, recording my thoughts along the way.
I’m going to watch good films, bad films, forgotten classics, Oscar winners and everything in between. Some of these films you’ll be surprised I’ve never seen, others you’ll completely understand why I’ve avoided them for 20+ years.
The rules are as follows:
- The film must be from the 1990s (1990-1999)
- The film must be a movie I’ve not watched before
Today’s unseen ‘90s movie is…
Jack Frost (1998)
My knowledge of Jack Frost is pretty limited. I’m aware that Michael Keaton and Kelly Preston star in the movie; that Michael Keaton gets turned into a snowman; that Jim Henson’s Creature Shop were involved in the effects in someway; and that this is a family comedy. I’m also aware that Jack Frost is not regarded as being a good movie.
As to why I’ve never watched it before? Er… honestly?
From the few clips I’ve seen over the years (trailers, adverts etc), along with the negative reviews, it’s a movie I’ve actively avoided. Oh there are times when I could have watched it – the film has popped up on TV a lot – but I’ve always had something else I needed to do instead, like cleaning out the fridge, sweeping the floor or separating a bag of rice into a row of individual grains. You know, that kind of thing.
But… you can only avoid things for so long.
*Clicks the play button*
1min – Just to clarify, this is the 1998 family comedy, Jack Frost; a film about a man who gets turned into a snowman. This is NOT the 1997 horror movie, Jack Frost; a film about a serial killer who gets turned into a snowman. Jeez, imagine getting these two titles mixed up! The kids wouldn’t sleep for weeks.
1mins 20secs – Come to think of it, if the kids are a nightmare this Christmas, maybe mixing up the two movies wouldn’t be a bad thing. Just sayin’.
2mins – So, onto the film. Right, Michael Keaton is a singer. A popular singer it seems.
2mins 20secs – Hang on, that’s not Michael Keaton. That’s Batman!
2mins 30secs – Let’s start that again. Right, Batman is a singer. A popular singer it seems.
8mins 45secs – Batman’s son is unhappy because Batman is off singing somewhere and he misses him terribly. Kelly Preston – Batman’s wife – appreciates the boy’s frustrations, but she doesn’t care because she’s married to Batman!
15mins – Batman has returned home and has given his son (aka Batkid) a harmonica. According to Batman, the harmonica is magical.
15mins 15secs – Look, I know that there’s no such thing as a magical harmonica, but if Batman tells you he’s giving you a magical harmonica then you believe what he’s saying, OK?
24mins – Oh dear. Magic harmonica or no magic harmonica, Batman made a promise to Batkid and he just broke that promise. Bad Batman!
27mins – To get around the broken promise, Batman is now making another promise… that he also won’t keep. Great bit of parenting there, Batman. Jeez, you might as well just show the kid the 1997 version of Jack Frost; that’ll give him something else to talk to the therapist about.
29mins – Batkid is annoyed and has given the harmonica back to Batman.
32mins – This story has just taken a rather dark, sinister twist. Brace yourselves – Batman is dead!
34mins 45secs – Batkid is very upset. It’s not quite clear if he’s crying about the passing of Batman or if he’s inconsolable over the fact that he gave away the magic harmonica.
36mins – Kelly Preston seems surprisingly upbeat about Batman’s death. She hides her pain well. It’s almost as if she doesn’t care.
40mins – Oh, it would appear that Batkid has the magic harmonica back. Hmm… I wonder what will happen now that he has the harmonica in his possession?
41mins 30secs – Batman is back! Well, kind of. Batman has been resurrected in the shape of a snowman. No, seriously. He’s some kind of zombie snowman… or something. Is that possible?!
44mins – The snowman – let’s call him Bat-Snowman – has just been run over by a snowplough, yet he’s still alive! Am I watching the correct film here? Have I cued up the 1997 horror movie by mistake?
*Checks which film this is*
46mins – Nope, this is definitely the right film. Although I can totally see why I’d be confused. Not because of the zombie snowman which would make me think this is the horror movie, but because this so-called family comedy is simply not funny.
53mins – Bat-Snowman may have been a crap dad when he was alive, but he’s pretty useful in a snowball fight. That’ll make up for all of the times he ignored his son and abandoned his wife.
1hr 10mins – Now that he’s dead, Bat-Snowman has finally found the time to teach his son a few things about ice hockey. Apparently, death makes you an expert at ice hockey. Who knew?!
1hr 20mins – Bat-Snowman is melting.
1hr 21mins – Hmm… if Bat-Snowman is going to melt when the weather changes, how is this movie going to end? Is he going to die again? Yep, I’m really struggling to find the comedy in this movie.
1hr 28mins – Batkid and Bat-Snowman are trying to hold back the thawing process by heading out into the snow covered mountains. Sure, the kid will probably die of hypothermia, but at least Bat-Snowman will be fine. PARENT OF THE YEAR!
1hr 30mins – Bat-Snowman: “I think this is the best Christmas I ever had.” Blimey, how bad were all your other Christmases?!
1hr 32mins – Kelly Preston has just discovered her husband is back from the dead and he’s a zombie snowman. Once again, she has absolutely no problem with this. Come on Kelly, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Your husband died, came back to life as a snowman, made your son keep it a secret, then dragged your son up to a snow-capped mountain to watch him die (again)! WHY DO YOU NOT CARE? WHY KELLY, WHY?!
1hr 34mins 30secs – Anyway, he’s dead again. Er… Merry Christmas everyone!
1hr 35mins – This year, be thankful you’re not a zombie snowman or as emotionally dead as Kelly Preston.
Well… that was pretty bad.
I get that Jack Frost is aimed at kids & families, but come on, that was just rubbish – kids deserve much, much, much better. Plus, the snowman was creepy as heck.
And why does Kelly Preston not care? WHY, KELLY? WHY?!
- Read: Part 51
For past entries in the 90 from the ’90s series, check out: Psycho (1998), A League of Their Own (1992), Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992), Patch Adams (1998), My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997), Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992), You’ve Got Mail (1998), Sleepless in Seattle (1993), Graveyard Shift (1990), Johnny Mnemonic (1995), Striptease (1996), Indecent Proposal (1993), My Girl 2 (1994), The Ghost and the Darkness (1996), Poison Ivy (1996), Body of Evidence (1993), Turbulence (1997), Fatal Instinct (1993), True Romance (1993), Newsies (1992), Contact (1997), The Pelican Brief (1993), Natural Born Killers (1994), Shakespeare in Love (1998), A Perfect Murder (1998), Quigley Down Under (1990), Of Mice and Men (1992),Friday (1995), Mannequin on the Move (1991), She’s All That (1999), Double Dragon (1994), Stay Tuned (1992), Murder at 1600 (1997),Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), My Own Private Idaho (1991), Wagons East (1994), In the Line of Fire (1993), Postcards from the Edge (1990), Universal Soldier (1992), Passenger 57 (1992), Mo’ Better Blues (1990), The Client (1994), Good Will Hunting (1997), Pump Up the Volume (1990), Mr. Nanny (1993), Fargo (1996), Hudson Hawk (1991), So I Married An Axe Murderer (1993) and Timecop (1994).