Welcome to 90 from the ‘90s; the movie-related post in which I watch, discuss and debate a film from the 1990s – a film that I’ve NEVER SEEN. Posting on a semi-regular basis, I aim to work my way through 90 movies that I’ve previously missed/avoided, recording my thoughts along the way.

I’m going to watch good films, bad films, forgotten classics, Oscar winners and everything in between. Some of these films you’ll be surprised I’ve never seen, others you’ll completely understand why I’ve avoided them for 20+ years.

The rules are as follows:

  • The film must be from the 1990s (1990-1999)
  • The film must be a movie I’ve not watched before

Today’s unseen ‘90s movie is…

You’ve Got Mail (1998)

If you were reading It’s A Stampede! yesterday, then you will know that as part of my ongoing 90 from the ’90s series of posts I watched Sleepless in Seattle (1993) – the Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks romantic comedy (and I use that term very loosely). Today, I’m following this up with another Ryan/Hanks rom-com in the shape of You’ve Got Mail.

I should probably point out (which I forgot to do yesterday) that this is the third Ryan/Hanks movie, with the first being Joe Versus the Volcano (1990). Apparently, audiences really love a bit of Ryan/Hanks action.

Anyway, I’ve never had a huge desire to watch this movie, which is why I’ve yet to see it. I also know very little about it, other than the fact that Ryan/Hanks team-up and the story has something to do with a relationship over the internet.

Let’s see if it’s better/worse than Sleepless in Seattle.

*Clicks the play button*

4mins – Well, You’ve Got Mail is already off to a better start than Sleepless in Seattle as no one is dead. Although Meg Ryan is up to something and this could lead to death – who knows?!

4mins 30secs – Ohhh… she’s on the internet. She’s using dial-up. Remember dial-up, kids?

5mins – Hmm… so Meg Ryan is secretly corresponding (via email) with Tom Hanks, even though she is going out with Greg Kinnear. Meanwhile, Tom Hanks is secretly corresponding with Meg Ryan, even though he is going out with Parker Posey. I don’t believe either Kinnear or Posey know about Ryan and Hanks corresponding. The rat bastards.

7mins – The pair claim to be just ‘friends’ but clearly there’s something going on. This film is already starting on morally questionable ground.

8mins – If this film was being remade in 2018 Ryan and Hanks wouldn’t be emailing, they’d either be What’s Apping or Snapchatting.

10mins – Incidentally, Meg Ryan owns a bookstore. If this was made in 2018 she wouldn’t own a store because they’re all closing! Not just bookstores – ALL STORES! She’d probably work for Amazon or Disney as they own everything these days.

11mins – Meg Ryan: “Is it infidelity if you’re involved with someone on email?” Erm… I think if you’re asking that question then it probably is as you’re using the phrase “involved”. Oh and if you swap nudes then it’s definitely more than friends.

11mins 5secs – I believe those are the rules…

11mins 10secs – …or so I’ve been told.

16mins 40secs – Meg Ryan has just confessed to reading Pride and Prejudice 200 times. She owns a bookstore and yet she’s read the same book 200 times! READ SOMETHING ELSE! Anything else. What is this, a bookstore filled with copies of Pride and Prejudice?

17mins – One thing I must note, which already elevates this film above Sleepless in Seattle is the way in which Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks are kind of sharing screen time without actually interacting. They both live in the same city, so they pass each other on the street, they both go to the same Starbucks etc without realising it – it’s their email conversations that allow them to develop some chemistry and nothing else. This was something that was severely lacking in Sleepless in Seattle.

18mins – A new bookstore is opening across the road from the store that Meg Ryan is working in. She doesn’t seem worried as she feels they can work in conjunction with each other. Poor deluded fool. This store is going to crush your store – you’ll be out on the street within six months. Now is the time to start reading some of the other books in your store… oh and also the time to sell your business!

25mins – Tom Hanks is in the bookstore and actually sharing some screen time with Meg Ryan. There’s some chemistry too. Not much, but a little.

34mins – Meg Ryan has just discovered that Tom Hanks owns the new bookstore and has instantly taken a dislike to him. Oh the irony.

37mins – Parker Posey has just met Greg Kinnear and they’re getting on like a house on fire. I presume these two are going to get it on at some point, thus making the Ryan/Hanks coupling less problematic. So, if anyone out there is thinking about having an online affair all you need to do is find someone for your significant other, thus removing all guilt from the situation.

43mins – So, now that Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks are owners of rival bookstores, they are doing their best to avoid crossing paths. Give it six months and once Meg Ryan’s bookstore goes under this won’t be a problem at all.

55mins – Is this actually a romantic comedy or a story about how huge businesses are bulldozing over the little guy?

1hr 1min – Regardless of what is going on with their bookstores, Hanks and Ryan are still emailing each other, oblivious to the fact they’re rivals. Oh and they’ve agreed to meet in person.

1hr 2mins – Tom Hanks has just discovered that the person he speaks to over email is Meg Ryan. He’s now having second thoughts, presumably because he doesn’t want to cop off with Meg Ryan.

1hr 3mins – OK, so now he’s just being a dick to her by turning up on their date and not revealing the truth. Not only is he playing god with her business, he’s also breaking her heart in the process. What a callous bastard! This film has suddenly got a lot more interesting. Er… I mean sinister. Yeah, sinister.

1hr 14mins – Tom Hanks is now emailing Meg Ryan with some bullshit excuse as to why he failed to show up on the date, even though he did secretly show up on the date. This man won’t stop until he has screwed her over completely.

1hr 17mins – Due to a significant loss in sales, Meg Ryan is going to have to close her store. Tom Hanks has destroyed this woman’s hopes and dreams. If I decide to turn this film off now, this will be a really shitty place to leave Meg Ryan. I’m kind of tempted to turn it off and just go with the idea that this is how the movie plays out.

1hr 18mins – Actually screw Meg Ryan AND Tom Hanks – they’re both cheating on their respective partners and that doesn’t make either of them particularly likeable.

1hr 21mins – Oh, Greg Kinnear has just dumped Meg Ryan. He asked her if there’s someone else and she’s said “no”. LIAR! YOU LIAR!!!

1hr 29mins – And now Tom Hanks and Parker Posey have just broken up. Something to do with them being trapped in a lift together.

1hr 30mins – Yeah, I’ve not got any sympathy for either Meg Ryan or Tom Hanks. If there was any justice, she’d lose her business and end up an old spinster and he’d get banged up for tax evasion.

1hr 44mins – Tom Hanks continues to pretend that he’s not Meg Ryan’s internet guy, so he can get closer to her in secret. Jeez, he’s playing massive mind games with her.

1hr 54mins – The truth has finally come out and Meg Ryan has told Tom Hanks she hoped he would turn out to be her mystery man. COBBLERS! WHAT A LOAD OF OLD COBBLERS! No you didn’t! At best he’s the guy that ruined your financial stability and at worst he’s treating you like some kind of puppet!

HOW DO YOU FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE IN ANY WAY?!

ARGGGGHHHH!!!

*Clicks stop*

How is this a romantic movie?!

HOW?!

The only reason that Hanks & Ryan are romantic with each other at the end of the film is because the script says so, in order to make the audience think that this is a nice movie.

RUBBISH. Just rubbish. Complete clap trap.

Both characters were lying to their respective partners, Hanks was a complete dick to Ryan and neither are going to be good for each other in the long run. That said, I preferred this movie to Sleepless in Seattle.

What utter crap.

For past entries in the 90 from the ’90s series, check out: Sleepless in Seattle (1993)Graveyard Shift (1990)Johnny Mnemonic (1995)Striptease (1996) Indecent Proposal (1993)My Girl 2 (1994)The Ghost and the Darkness (1996)Poison Ivy (1996)Body of Evidence (1993)Turbulence (1997)Fatal Instinct (1993)True Romance (1993)Newsies (1992)Contact (1997)The Pelican Brief (1993)Natural Born Killers (1994)Shakespeare in Love (1998)A Perfect Murder (1998)Quigley Down Under (1990)Of Mice and Men (1992), Friday (1995)Mannequin on the Move (1991)She’s All That (1999)Double Dragon (1994)Stay Tuned (1992)Murder at 1600 (1997), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993)My Own Private Idaho (1991)Wagons East (1994)In the Line of Fire (1993)Postcards from the Edge (1990)Universal Soldier (1992)Passenger 57 (1992)Mo’ Better Blues (1990)The Client (1994)Good Will Hunting (1997)Pump Up the Volume (1990)Mr. Nanny (1993) Fargo (1996)Hudson Hawk (1991)So I Married An Axe Murderer (1993) and Timecop (1994).