Welcome to 90 from the ‘90s; the movie-related post in which I watch, discuss and debate a film from the 1990s – a film that I’ve NEVER SEEN. Posting on a semi-regular basis, I aim to work my way through 90 movies that I’ve previously missed/avoided, recording my thoughts along the way.
I’m going to watch good films, bad films, forgotten classics, Oscar winners and everything in between. Some of these films you’ll be surprised I’ve never seen, others you’ll completely understand why I’ve avoided them for 20+ years.
The rules are as follows:
- The film must be from the 1990s (1990-1999)
- The film must be a movie I’ve not watched before
Today’s unseen ‘90s movie is…
I know the following about this movie:
- Ray Liotta and Lauren Holly are the stars of Turbulence.
- The movie involves something happening to an aeroplane (I don’t know what).
- The film came out in 1997.
Yep, that’s all I know.
There’s no big reason as to why I’ve never seen Turbulence, it’s just one of those films that I never bothered to watch – until now.
I kind of feel this is going to go one of two ways: Either amazingly bad or so bad it’s kind of good. Let’s find out…
*Clicks the play button*
1min – The movie has begun and it’s opened at Christmas time. Well, if my knowledge of Christmas movies is worth anything, then I know nothing can go wrong. OK, so Die Hard, Gremlins, Home Alone, It’s A Wonderful Life, Jingle All the Way and A Muppets Christmas Carol all had their bleak moments but they all ended up fine in the end, right?
3mins – Ah, Ray Liotta has just told his girlfriend how much he loves her. See, nothing can go wro…
3mins 20secs – Oh crap, Ray Liotta has just been arrested! Well, at least if we now know he’s the bad guy and he’s in prison, then nothing can go wrong.
5mins – There’s talk of putting Ray Liotta on a plane. Hmm… well, according to Superman, aeroplanes are statistically the safest way to travel, so I’m still sure nothing will go wrong.
6mins – Catherine Hicks is in this movie and she’s playing a flight attendant. You might know Hicks from her role in Child’s Play where she was terrorised by Chucky. Hmm… well just because Catherine Hicks is on the same plane as Ray Liotta it doesn’t mean anything will go wrong.
7mins – Oh… and in addition to Ray Liotta and Catherine Hicks, Brendan Gleeson is being put on the plane. Apparently he’s a bit of a nasty pasty. Well, that doesn’t mean anything is going to go wrong.
7mins – One of the cops has taken an unregistered firearm onto the plane…. hmm.
11mins – And now Ray Liotta has just asked if the in-flight movie is It’s A Wonderful Life. Er… yeah… some shit is about to go down.
15mins – If I was to make a prediction, I’d say that the plane is going to get hijacked and Ray Liotta will have something to do with it. The title of the movie will refer to some mid-flight disruption and the turbulent nature of Liotta’s character.
15mins 10secs – Either that or this movie is simply 100 minutes of a plane experiencing turbulence.
15mins 15secs – I hope it’s the former.
17mins 30sec – Lauren Holly is playing a flight attendant in this movie. She has the resting bitch face down to a T. Not that I’m saying all flight attendants have resting bitch face – just most people in customer service have this face.
17mins 40secs – This isn’t me saying all people in customer service have resting bitch face. Some do. And you know who you are.
17mins 50secs – I can feel the anger starting to build in all of the people reading this post, who happen to work in customer service. You’re all going to come for me in the comments section, aren’t you?
20mins – Héctor Elizondo is in this movie as a seasoned cop. He’s probably one day away from retirement – and too old for this shit.
25mins – OK, so something has gone wrong – who would have predicted that?!
25mins 10secs – Brendan Gleeson is now loose, he’s shot a bunch of the police guards and a stray bullet has ripped a hole in the cabin. The plane is going down and experiencing some… er… turbulence.
28mins – Who would have thought that putting Ray Liotta, Brendan Gleeson, Catherine Hicks and a loaded weapon on a plane would ever lead to this kind of situation. And at Christmas too! What are the odds?!
31mins – Well, at least things can’t get any worse.
31mins 30secs – Brendan Gleeson has been killed. See, I said things couldn’t get any worse. I expect the plane will now land safely and everyone else will be fine.
*Checks running time*
32mins – Hmm… there’s still another hour to go. I have a feeling we’re not out of the woods yet.
34mins – Ray Liotta has just lied to Lauren Holly about the situation they’re in. He told her that things will be fine. They won’t.
34mins 30secs – Lauren Holly is resisting the urge to give him resting bitch face.
36mins 30secs – Ooohhh… she’s onto him. She know’s he’s lying. Resting bitch face in three… two… one…
37mins – Nah, it’s more of a shocked and horrified face. She’s just discovered that no one is flying the plane and by the looks of things, the plane will shortly be experiencing more… turbulence.
40mins – Turbulence avoided. As it happens, Lauren Holly seems to be comfortable flying the plane with assistance from ground control.
42mins – Bugger – the plane is about to enter a storm. Brace yourselves for more turbulence!
46mins – Ray Liotta has just shown his true colours. He’s a wrong-un.
47mins – And now Catherine Hicks is dead. Ray Liotta is trying to take over the plane.
54mins – Lauren Holly is currently locked in the cockpit. So long as she doesn’t unlock the door and step outside of the cockpit things might be OK.
*Lauren Holly unlocks the door and steps out of the cockpit*
54mins – Oh FFS!!!!!
57mins – Everyone on the plane is dead except Lauren Holly and Ray Liotta. Oh… and the plane is about to enter a Level Six storm. Level Six is apparently the worst level on the storm scale.
57mins 30secs – What kind of scale only goes up to Level Six?
1hr 8mins – Ray Liotta has gone bat-shit crazy. Lauren Holly has turned resting bitch face into action heroine face and the plane is experiencing… turbulence. And there’s still another 30 minutes to go! How the heck is this film is going pad out this situation for another half-an-hour?
1hr 9mins – By the way, I’m loving this movie! This is utter tosh – but such enjoyable tosh.
1hr 12mins – And now there’s a fire on the plane!
1hr 13mins – Just to clarify, for anyone who has lost track of what is going on, the plane got hijacked by Brendan Gleeson, who was killed by Ray Liotta, who then killed the crew and passengers, bar Lauren Holly. Liotta is now terrorising Holly, while the plane is on fire, going through a Level Six storm and is set to crash in the middle of LA! Oh and for some reason, while all this has been going on, Liotta also tried to rape Holly, because he’s a rapist. I forgot to mention that bit earlier on.
1hr 14mins – If this film was made today, Dwayne Johnson would be on that plane and he would be kicking all kids of crap out of Ray Liotta!
1hr 15mins – Ray Liotta: “I’m never flying this airline again.”
1hr 21mins – The movie is starting to wrap up and this means Lauren Holly has got to land the plane. Will she do it?
1hr 26mins – Oh jeez, another plane has been ordered to intercept the crashing plane, to bring it down and reduce the likelihood it’ll cause more devastation. Is there not already enough going on? Do I need to go back over all the stuff about the death and the fire and the attempted rape?!
1hr 28mins – By the way, Ray Liotta is giving one heck of a performance in this movie. I’m not sure what he’s doing – I’m not even sure he knows what he’s doing – but still, it’s a performance!
1hr 31mins 30secs – Ray Liotta is dead. Lauren Holly just shot him. And now she needs to go back to landing the plane.
1hr 36mins – The plane is safely on the ground, Lauren Holly is a hero and all is right with the world. Well, except for all the dead crew & passengers… and the bashed up plane that’s no use to anyone… oh and the fact that a lot of people will now miss their scheduled flight because there’s an unscheduled plane on the runway. Still, well done.
So… Turbulence – what a bumpy ride!
That was definitely a movie that’s so bad, it’s good and apparently, from just doing a quick Google search, it’s so bad-good that it spawned two sequels! Amazing. Not only did one Turbulence movie get commissioned, but three!
Will I ever watch the sequels? Heck, no! But I did enjoy watching this one.
But yeah, it’s a bad movie.
33 movies down, 57 to go!
For past entries in the 90 from the ’90s series, check out: Fatal Instinct (1993), True Romance (1993), Newsies (1992), Contact (1997), The Pelican Brief (1993), Natural Born Killers (1994), Shakespeare in Love (1998), A Perfect Murder (1998), Quigley Down Under (1990), Of Mice and Men (1992), Friday (1995), Mannequin on the Move (1991), She’s All That (1999), Double Dragon (1994), Stay Tuned (1992), Murder at 1600 (1997), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), My Own Private Idaho (1991), Wagons East (1994), In the Line of Fire (1993), Postcards from the Edge (1990), Universal Soldier (1992), Passenger 57 (1992), Mo’ Better Blues (1990), The Client (1994), Good Will Hunting (1997), Pump Up the Volume (1990), Mr. Nanny (1993), Fargo (1996), Hudson Hawk (1991), So I Married An Axe Murderer (1993) and Timecop (1994).