Welcome to 90 from the ‘90s; the movie-related post in which I watch, discuss and debate a film from the 1990s – a film that I’ve NEVER SEEN. Posting on a semi-regular basis, I aim to work my way through 90 movies that I’ve previously missed/avoided, recording my thoughts along the way.

I’m going to watch good films, bad films, forgotten classics, Oscar winners and everything in between. Some of these films you’ll be surprised I’ve never seen, others you’ll completely understand why I’ve avoided them for 20+ years.

The rules are as follows:

  • The film must be from the 1990s (1990-1999)
  • The film must be a movie I’ve not watched before

Today’s unseen ‘90s movie is…

Shakespeare in Love (1998)

Shakespeare in Love came out in 1998, when I was around 16/17 and working my way through an A-Level English course. As part of the course I had to read some Shakespeare. When I was not working on the course I DID NOT want to read/watch anything Shakespeare-related. As a result, I opted not to watch this movie.

Over the years I’ve not had a desire to watch Shakespeare in Love. I’m aware that it’s a popular movie, but it’s just not something that I’ve ever felt the need to watch. So, let’s change that today.

*Clicks the play button*

2mins – Is that Spudgun from Bottom?

3mins – So there’s talk of a play called Romeo and Ethel the Pirate’s Daughter. I can’t help but feel someone should actually make a film out of this. Who wouldn’t want to watch a play/film about a pirate’s daughter?

10mins – This film has a great cast: Simon Callow, Martin Clunes, Geoffrey Rush, Tom Wilkinson and of course, Dame Judi Dench. Oh and Colin Firth, Gwyneth Paltrow, Imelda Staunton… I could go on. I knew Dench and Paltrow were in this, along with lead actor Joseph Fiennes, but I’ll be honest I didn’t know about all the rest.

17mins 30secs – Romeo and Ethel the Pirate’s Daughter has been amended to Romeo and Rosaline. I can’t help but feel this sounds like a less exciting story. Maybe if it was Romeo and Rosaline: Adventures in Space I’d be more interested. Or Romeo, Rosaline and Ethel the Pirate’s Daughter: Adventures in Space.

27mins – An observation: Yes, this is a good film. Now, that said, I really wish this was Romeo, Rosaline and Ethel the Pirate’s Daughter: Adventures in Space. Would it be a better movie? I think we all know the answer to that one.

29mins – Right, I feel like I should talk about the plot of this movie. Joseph Fiennes is in love with Gwyneth Paltrow. Joseph Fiennes is playing the role of William Shakespeare. Shakespeare is in love. I think that pretty much covers it.

34mins – Ben Affleck is in this? I had no idea that Ben Affleck was in this? How did I not know that Ben Affleck was in this?

*Looks it up*

34mins 30secs – Apparently Harvey Weinstein persuaded him to appear in the movie. Moving on…

38mins – Gwyneth Paltrow looks good with a goatee beard.

38mins 20seconds – She’s dressed as a guy… she’s not just got some random face fuzz.

47mins – Sex scene alert! Sex scene alert!

48mins – There’s at least another 1hr and 15mins left to go in this movie, but Joseph Fiennes and Gywneth Paltrow have already fallen in love and had sex – what else is left to see in this story? Do we now get to see scenes of them arguing about who left wet towels on the floor and whose turn it is to take the bins out? Surely the film should end now to make way for the sequels: Shakespeare Gets Divorced, Shakespeare Downloads Tinder and Shakespeare Goes Bananas.

55mins – Sex scene alert! Sex scene alert!

56mins – A dog has appeared on screen! Yeah! I hope the remaining hour of the movie is about this dog.

56mins 30secs – Nope, I think the dog has had his moment in the spotlight and that’s all we’re going to get.

1hr 2mins – Dame Judi Dench is both frightening and frighteningly good in this movie.

1hr 11mins – It’s just come out that Joseph Fiennes is married. This film should have been called Shakespeare’s Bit on the Side.

1hr 19mins – I’m going to be honest – I’m bored. It’s not because this is a bad film – it’s clearly not. It’s just… I’m not feeling it. At all. Yes, I do appreciate I’ve previously been quite complementary of films such as Timecop and Mannequin on the Move which are all inferior movies to this one, but what can I say? This film is just not grabbing me.

1hr 34mins – I wish that dog would come back.

1hr 40mins – This film is asking for me to invest in it emotionally and I know I should, but the emotions are just not forthcoming. Maybe it’s because I’m dead inside.

1hr 41mins – I’m amazed I’m not more emotional considering how much wine I knocked back last night, during my Eurovision 2018 live blog. To be honest, I’m amazed I can even see to type.

1hr 49mins – Dame Judi Dench has just turned up and I’m back on board again.

1hr 57mins – And that’s it.

*Clicks stop*

Shakespeare in Love is a good movie… but not one that I’d watch again. It’s great for what it is, and a must-see if you love the works of William Shakespeare and/or you want to see Gwyneth Paltrow with a goatee beard, but it’s not something I’d recommend.

I appreciate this must be blasphemy as it is a good movie and a multiple award-winner that many people would like, but what do you want me to say? It simply didn’t do anything for me. Sorry.

You expected more from me, didn’t you?

You thought here’s a cultured guy, he’ll love Shakespeare in Love. He’ll tell you he was wrong for waiting twenty years to watch this movie.

Yeah, I’m probably not as cultured as you think.

A good movie, worthy of its Oscars, BAFTAs and the like, but just not for me.

Sorry, again.

For past entries in the 90 from the ’90s series, check out: A Perfect Murder (1998)Quigley Down Under (1990)Of Mice and Men (1992), Friday (1995)Mannequin on the Move (1991)She’s All That (1999)Double Dragon (1994)Stay Tuned (1992)Murder at 1600 (1997), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993)My Own Private Idaho (1991)Waggons East (1994)In the Line of Fire (1993)Postcards from the Edge (1990)Universal Soldier (1992)Passenger 57 (1992)Mo’ Better Blues (1990)The Client (1994)Good Will Hunting (1997)Pump Up the Volume (1990)Mr. Nanny (1993) Fargo (1996)Hudson Hawk (1991)So I Married An Axe Murderer (1993) and Timecop (1994).