Welcome to 90 from the ‘90s; the movie-related post in which I watch, discuss and debate a film from the 1990s – a film that I’ve NEVER SEEN. Posting on a semi-regular basis, I aim to work my way through 90 movies that I’ve previously missed/avoided, recording my thoughts along the way.

I’m going to watch good films, bad films, forgotten classics, Oscar winners and everything in between. Some of these films you’ll be surprised I’ve never seen, others you’ll completely understand why I’ve avoided them for 20+ years.

The rules are as follows:

  • The film must be from the 1990s (1990-1999)
  • The film must be a movie I’ve not watched before

Today’s unseen ‘90s movie is…

A Perfect Murder (1998)

I’m quite excited about this movie. The film – a remake of the classic Hitchcock film, Dial M for Murder (1954) – stars Michael Douglas, Gwyneth Paltrow and Viggo Mortensen and is one of those movies that I’ve wanted to watch for the past 20 years.

Why haven’t I watched it yet?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

Usually, I’m against the idea of remaking Hitchcock movies, but on this occasion I’m alright with it. I really like Michael Douglas movies; I’m OK with Gwyneth Paltrow; and my understanding is that this movie has enough differences from the original to make it worth a watch.

Here goes…

*Clicks the play button*

5mins – Michael Douglas and Gwyneth Paltrow are at a party.

5mins 10secs – Well, I say ‘party’, but this is more of a soirée.

7mins – Michael Douglas has just called the party a soirée. Me and Douglas are on the same wavelength. Does this mean I need to get a divorce so I can hook up with Catherine Zeta Jones?

7mins 10secs – Incidentally, Viggo Mortensen has just turned up looking all ‘arty’ and hunky. Michael Douglas isn’t going to like this. I think Michael Douglas wishes he was ‘arty’.

8mins 15secs – Yeah, Michael Douglas doesn’t like it.

10mins – Currently, Gwyneth Paltrow and Viggo Mortensen are being all sexy with each other, while making coffee. I’ll be honest, I’m not sure making coffee is a sexy thing. I worked in Starbucks for three weeks (shortest job I ever had) and not once did I ever feel sexy. I felt tired; a bit grotty; and very stressed; but never sexy.

16mins – Michael Douglas knows that Viggo Mortensen and Gwyneth Paltrow are ‘doing it’.

19mins 40secs – A deal has just been proposed. Douglas will pay Mortensen $500,000 for bumping off Paltrow. I appreciate that’s a lot of money… but you can win more than that on a game show. Come on Michael Douglas, up the offer, will ya?

20mins – Oh, there’s a healthy dose of blackmail in this proposal too. I suppose that’s one way to up the offer.

25mins 30secs – Michael Douglas has just told Gwyneth Paltrow that he’s made Viggo Mortensen an offer. The bastard – he’s toying with her. If only she knew what we know. You know what I mean?

30mins – The proposal is now being turned into a plan for murder. Michael Douglas has this all figured out.

31mins – Oh, he has a lovely kitchen.

31mins 10secs – Sorry, where was I? Oh yes, murder.

34mins – Michael Douglas continues to drop hints to Gwyneth that he’s up to something. She doesn’t seem to have twigged. She’s so trusting. I do hope she figures it out.

36mins – Yeah, she knows something’s going on… but she doesn’t seem to know what it is.

43mins – Right, Michael Douglas has gone out; Gwyneth Paltrow is in the bath; and a masked Viggo Mortensen is breaking into the house. Shit is about to get real.

46mins – Shit is now real! Repeat: Shit is now real! Gwyneth is being attacked in the kitchen and…

46mins 15secs – …oh bloody hell, they’re messing up the kitchen! It was such a nice kitchen. You don’t see many kitchens as nice as this. Why would you mess it up?

47mins – WOW! Gwyneth Paltrow just stabbed Viggo Mortensen in the neck with a thermometer. Harsh, Gwyneth. Harsh.

50mins – As things have gone wrong, Michael Douglas is now having to cover his tracks. On a side note, this is a beautiful looking apartment. Not only is the kitchen lovely, but the entire Douglas-Paltrow living space is gorgeous.

52mins – David Suchet has just turned up as a detective. I had no idea he was in this movie.

53mins – Oh. So, the twist is that the attacker is NOT Viggo Mortensen. Did he subcontract the job to someone else?

1hr 5mins – Michael Douglas is now in a bit of a pickle. He doesn’t want to be with his wife anymore, but he can’t try to have her bumped off again as it’ll be too suspicious. It’s kind of like that time I really wanted a can of cola from the shop, but I couldn’t be bothered to put on some clothes and then walk to the shop and… oh, wait, that’s nothing like the situation Michael Douglas is currently in. Hmm… I could really go for a can of cola though.

1hr 15mins – Gwyneth is starting to piece it all together.

1hr 22mins – The tables are starting to turn… but Michael Douglas has already got a back-up plan figured out. Oh, this is good. He’s holding all the cards!

1hr 26mins – He thinks he’s convinced her… but I think she’s more clued up than he’s giving her credit for. Or maybe she’s not.

1hr 27mins – Someone is playing somebody like a fiddle. I’m just not sure who that someone and the somebody is.

1hr 33mins – SHIT! Michael Douglas has gone all American Psycho on Viggo Mortensen. Yeah, he’s dead.

1hr 37mins – I don’t buy the idea that Douglas and Paltrow were ever in love, but I totally buy the idea of Douglas stabbing Viggo Mortensen to death.

1hr 42mins – After a tense confrontation, Gwyneth Paltrow has just killed Micheal Douglas.

1hr 43mins – So now both her lover and her husband are dead… and she gets that lovely apartment to herself. Winner winner!

*Clicks stop*

I liked it.

While not perfect, A Perfect Murder is a decent thriller with a great turn from Michael Douglas. It could have done with a few more twists, but the actors carried the movie from A to B and the result was good enough for me.

For past entries in the 90 from the ’90s series, check out: Quigley Down Under (1990)Of Mice and Men (1992), Friday (1995)Mannequin on the Move (1991)She’s All That (1999)Double Dragon (1994)Stay Tuned (1992)Murder at 1600 (1997), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993)My Own Private Idaho (1991)Waggons East (1994)In the Line of Fire (1993)Postcards from the Edge (1990)Universal Soldier (1992)Passenger 57 (1992)Mo’ Better Blues (1990)The Client (1994)Good Will Hunting (1997)Pump Up the Volume (1990)Mr. Nanny (1993) Fargo (1996)Hudson Hawk (1991)So I Married An Axe Murderer (1993) and Timecop (1994).