Welcome to 90 from the ‘90s; the movie-related post in which I watch, discuss and debate a film from the 1990s – a film that I’ve NEVER SEEN. Posting on a semi-regular basis, I aim to work my way through 90 movies that I’ve previously missed/avoided, recording my thoughts along the way.

I’m going to watch good films, bad films, forgotten classics, Oscar winners and everything in between. Some of these films you’ll be surprised I’ve never seen, others you’ll completely understand why I’ve avoided them for 20+ years.

The rules are as follows:

  • The film must be from the 1990s (1990-1999)
  • The film must be a movie I’ve not watched before

Today’s unseen ‘90s movie is…

Mannequin on the Move (1991)

So, tonight’s movie is Mannequin on the Move (aka Mannequin Two: On the Move) – the sequel to the 1987 ‘comedy’, Mannequin. The original film starred Kim Cattrall; while this movie stars original Buffy actress, Kristy Swanson.

I know very little about this movie, other than the fact it follows a similar plot to the first film (a mannequin comes to life in a department store) and it doesn’t star Kim Cattrall. I believe the lead actor in the film is William Ragsdale, aka Charley Brewster in Fright Night.

Will it be any good? Who knows.

To be honest, I’m not a huge fan of the original. I kind of feel it’s only regarded as an ’80s classic due to the tie-in-song, Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now by Starship – which incidentally was my wedding song.

Right, time for the film.

*Clicks the play button*

6mins – So, the story this time around is as follows: Back during medieval times, Kristy Swanson is cursed and is doomed to spend years trapped in the form of a mannequin. Meanwhile, in the real word: Back during the 1990s, Kristy Swanson is cursed and is doomed to spend years trapped in appalling roles, including a starring turn in Mannequin on the Move.

8mins – The opening credits are in full-swing and I can see that Terry Kiser, star of Weekend at Bernie’s and THE GOD DAMN AWFUL Weekend at Bernie’s II is in this movie. Oh Terry, why do you associate yourself with such films?

8mins 30secs – Meshach Taylor is also in this, reprising the role of ‘Hollywood’ from the first movie.

13mins – Hollywood has just made his entrance. I’m living for Hollywood right now.

17mins – Hollywood is channelling BeBe Zahara Benet from Ru Paul’s Drag Race. Or… maybe that should be, BeBe totally channels Hollywood.

23mins – William Ragsdale has just kissed the mannequin. This is an example of what happens when you’re sex-starved. I’d hate to think what he’d be like with the Tinder App.

24mins – Kristy Swanson has just turned from a mannequin to a human. That must have been some kiss!

29mins 30secs – William Ragsdale has just invited Kristy Swanson to stay at his house, “no strings attached”. Don’t trust him, Kristy; he was ready to feel you up when he thought you were a mannequin – now you’re a human he’ll turn you into his sex slave. Probably.

37mins – Although this film was made in the 1990s, it feels very much an ’80s film. A bad ’80s film. Now that said, Kristy Swanson is far too good for this movie.

38mins – OK, so forget everything I just said; William Ragsdale and Kristy Swanson are in a club dancing to the song, Pick Up the Pieces (To My Heart) by Cindy Valentine. This song has just saved this movie. This song and Hollywood have saved this movie.

45mins – I have to admit I’m starting to warm to this film.

55mins – Hollywood has just turned himself into a mannequin. I do hope this isn’t the end for Hollywood!

57mins – Phew… it’s OK, three muscle Marys have just turned him back to normal. Praise the muscle Marys of the world! Praise them!

1hr 2mins – Kristy Swanson is currently having a makeover. Cue a musical montage.

1hr 4mins: Classic line alert! Classic line alert!

William Ragsdale: “You were in the marines?”

Hollywood: “Yes, they were looking for a few good men and so was I.”

1hr 13mins – Another montage.

1hr 19mins – There’s about 15 minutes left and… I… don’t hate this movie. In fact, it’s better than I expected. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a particularly good movie (at all), but it’s not the crap-fest I thought it to be.

1hr 21mins – Hollywood has been given a musical number. It’s pure genius.

1hr 27mins – Hollywood is taking charge. He needs his own movie.

1hr 28mins 30secs – The big finale is taking place in a hot air balloon. It’s not the greatest showdown of all time, but at the very least they’ve spent a good portion of the budget on the balloon.

1hr 30mins – Yes! Yes! Yes! Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now is playing! I didn’t know this song was in the sequel too!

1hr 30mins 30secs – Brilliant; this movie takes the two good things about Mannequin (Hollywood and Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now) and puts them in a better film! Hurrah!

*Clicks stop*

So… that didn’t suck. Mannequin on the Move is not a good film, but it is one of those Sunday morning films that you can happily sit and watch when the hangover is kicking in. And who doesn’t need a movie like that from time-to-time?

Of course, it’s possible that I’m drunk and all the positive comments about Mannequin on the Move are purely alcohol-induced.

21 down; 69 to go.

For past entries in the 90 from the ’90s series, check out: She’s All That (1999)Double Dragon (1994)Stay Tuned (1992)Murder at 1600 (1997), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993)My Own Private Idaho (1991)Wagons East (1994)In the Line of Fire (1993)Postcards from the Edge (1990)Universal Soldier (1992)Passenger 57 (1992)Mo’ Better Blues (1990)The Client (1994)Good Will Hunting (1997)Pump Up the Volume (1990)Mr. Nanny (1993) Fargo (1996)Hudson Hawk (1991)So I Married An Axe Murderer (1993) and Timecop (1994).