With Avengers: Infinity War less than two weeks away from its big screen release, and the hype machine in full-swing, let’s take a moment to remind ourselves of the road we Marvelites have taken to get to this momentous occasion – i.e. let’s take a look back at all the crap Marvel films (and TV movies) we had to put up with before things got good!

Long before New Line released Blade (1998), 20th Century Fox released X-Men (2000), Sony released Spider-Man (2002) or Marvel Studios released Iron Man (2008), Marvel movies were…. pretty shit. And that’s being kind.

 

  • Captain America – Prior to Chris Evans taking on the role of Marvel’s star spangled Avenger, three actors played the role of Captain America: Dick Purcell, Reb Brown and Matt Salinger. Purcell was the star of a black-and-white 1944 seriel; Brown played the role for two 1979 TV movies – Captain America & Captain America II: Death Too Soon; and Salinger took on the part for the low budget 1990 movie, Captain America. All were shit.
  • Howard the Duck – In 2014, Howard the Duck popped up in a cameo role for Guardians of the Galaxy – the 10th entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. However, back in 1986 Howard was the star of his own movie courtesy of Universal Pictures and Lucasfilm. The movie has a cult following today, but it’s nowhere near the movie it could have been.
  • Generation X – In 1996, Generation X hit TV screens to become the first official live-action adaptation of the X-Men. Yep, four years before Fox brought the X-Men to movie theatres, X-Men spin-off book Generation X got its own TV movie – and it was bad. With the exception of the White Queen and Jubilee – who were just about passable – the TV movie adaptation of Generation X was cheap and very dull.
  • The Punisher – Over the years, The Punisher has become one of Marvel’s most adaptable characters with three live-action movies and a TV series under his belt. The first of these movies was the 1989 Dolph Lundgren-starring action film simply titled The Punisher. Released the same year as Tim Burton’s Batman, The Punisher was a poor adaptation of the Marvel Comics character which was barely connected to the original source material.
  • Spider-Man – During the late ’70s, Spider-Man cropped up in a short-lived TV show from CBS comprising 13 episodes (including a pilot movie). If you’ve never watched the ’70s Spider-Man show (or the edited-together movies), then don’t – it’s all pretty bad and better best forgotten. And don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

 

  • The Japanese Spider-Man – CBS weren’t the only ones to produce a Spider-Man TV series during the 1970s, over in Japan the Toei Company created its own Spidey series which ran for 41 episodes. Although the character was called Spider-Man and wore the same costume as Marvel’s mighty wall-crawler, the series bared no resemblance to the character and was more in-keeping with Super Sentai shows. Oh, and Spider-Man had a giant robot called Leopardon. Yeah, it was all pretty different.
  • Thor & Daredevil – Prior to the release of Blade in 1998, Marvel’s only real success with its characters came during the late ’70s with the arrival of the Bill Bixby/Lou Ferrigno-starring TV series, The Incredible Hulk – a genuinely good Marvel series. When the show concluded its run in 1982, audiences weren’t quite ready to say goodbye to Marvel’s jade giant. Step forward three Incredible Hulk TV movies: The Incredible Hulk Returns (1988), The Trial of the Incredible Hulk (1989) and The Death of the Incredible Hulk (1990). Two of these movies introduced other Marvel heroes: Thor (The Incredible Hulk Returns) and Daredevil (The Trial of the Incredible Hulk).
  • Doctor Strange – The ’70s was the era of TV superheroes and this meant that even Doctor Strange got his own TV movie. The film – which is boring beyond belief – starred Peter Hooten and aired on CBS in 1978. Doctor Strange was designed as a pilot for a potential TV series, but as it pretty much sucked (and I’m using the phrase “pretty much sucked” very lightly) the series never materialised. Be very thankful for this.
  • Nick Fury – Another TV movie and another watered down version of a Marvel Comics character, this time starring David Hasselhoff as S.H.I.E.L.D.’s most famous agent, Nick Fury. Broadcast on Fox in 1998, both critics and audiences hated Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D and it quickly faded away into obscurity (and late night showings on ITV in the UK). Thankfully Hasselhoff’s turn as Nick Fury didn’t put Samuel L. Jackson off from appearing as the character in Iron Man and beyond.
  • The Fantastic Four – And finally, the most famous (or infamous) movie on this list is 1994’s The Fantastic Four – a film that to this day has still never been released in any official capacity. The Fantastic Four was produced on a minimal budget and was allegedly conceived as a way for the studio to retain the rights to the FF, so a bigger and better movie could be made further down the line. Much has been said and written about The Fantastic Four – there’s even a documentary about the film – but it doesn’t change the fact that it is very, very bad.

So yes, when you sit down to watch Avengers: Infinity War in a couple of weeks’ time, just imagine what the movie could have been like if a few of these Marvel films and TV movies had been a little more successful.

*Shudder*