Welcome to 90 from the ‘90s; the movie-related post in which I watch, discuss and debate a film from the 1990s – a film that I’ve NEVER SEEN. Posting on a semi-regular basis, I aim to work my way through 90 movies that I’ve previously missed/avoided, recording my thoughts along the way.

I’m going to watch good films, bad films, forgotten classics, Oscar winners and everything in between. Some of these films you’ll be surprised I’ve never seen, others you’ll completely understand why I’ve avoided them for 20+ years.

The rules are as follows:

  • The film must be from the 1990s (1990-1999)
  • The film must be a movie I’ve not watched before

Today’s unseen ‘90s movie is…

So I Married An Axe Murderer (1993)

Back during the early ’90s (probably around the time the movie hit video rental stores), my brother hired So I Married An Axe Murderer on VHS. For one reason or another, I never got chance to watch the tape before it went back to the store and despite the fact it has aired on TV a number of times, I’ve still not got round to watching it.

As a fan of the Wayne’s World/Austin Powers series of movies, I find it odd that So I Married An Axe Murderer has eluded me for so long. But, if I’m honest, I’ve not heard particularly amazing things about the movie, so perhaps that is why I’ve never made the effort to watch it.

So, what is my knowledge of So I Married An Axe Murderer?

Well, I know the film stars Mike Myers; I believe Myers plays more than one character; and I know that it wasn’t very successful when it made its debut in ’93. Other than that, this is a whole new experience for me.

Please be good.

*Clicks the play button*

1min – Well, we’re off to a good start – the opening credits are accompanied by the song ‘There She Goes’. Great song. I can feel myself being sucked back into the ’90s.

4mins – Mike Myers is rocking the ’90s centre parting haircut. I swear I saw someone rocking that same cut today. I don’t believe it was Mike Myers.

7mins – Nancy Travis has appeared on screen – presumably as the ‘axe murderer’ of this movie. Well, she works in a butchers, so I’m guessing she’s the axe murderer. I’m not suggesting all butchers are axe murderers you understand. But, well, she would have access to an axe… so it would make sense.

9mins – So, Mike Myers is playing the lead role and the role of his character’s father… who appears to have the voice of Shrek/Fat Bastard. To be fair, he’s very good at the Scottish accent so it’s understandable why it’s his go-to voice. I’ll let this one slide.

12mins – The dad is easily the best character in this movie (so far). I hope he gets a lot of screen time.

15mins 30secs – ‘There She Goes’ is being played for the second time. Either the music budget was non-existent or someone really loves this song. I’d like to think it’s both.

16mins – If I had to keep playing just one song in my movie (hey, it could happen), I’d pick ‘No Limits’ by 2 Unlimited – it’s upbeat and I think it would help convey various scenes. So long as those scenes involved dance. Obviously, I’d need to make a dance movie. But I could do that. I could make a dance movie. Hey – I could make a dance movie! What, you don’t believe me?

17mins – I can see there’s attempts at humour here – particularly in the scene where the cop is talking about not getting to do the sort of cop things he sees on TV. It’s a shame this scene isn’t funny. I’m 17 minutes in and I could do with a laugh.

19mins – Meanwhile, back in the butchers… a customer is being an arse to Nancy Travis. I can totally see why she might turn out to be an axe murderer.

23mins – Mike Myers and Nancy Travis are on a date. She’s much too hot for him. She needs to be paired up with Clooney or a ’90s-era Tom Cruise. Of course, if she was paired up with either of those two, this would be a very different movie. **Cough** A better movie. **Cough**

29mins – Amanda Plummer has just turned up. She seems a little kooky. I’m going to guess that she’s the actual murderer.

31mins 30secs – Awesome song alert – this time it’s ‘Two Princes’ by Spin Doctors. It’s no, ‘No Limits’, but it’s still pretty good. The soundtrack is working for me. The movie isn’t, but the soundtrack is.

32mins – Phil Hartman! Yay, Phil Hartman is in this movie! I remember him from such movies as Jingle All the Way and Small Soldiers!

35mins – Third use of ‘There She Goes’. As money saving goes – this is the best use ever, right?

38mins – So far, no one has been murdered. Sure, there’s been talk of a murderer (via the papers), but no actual murderer. Maybe this film should be called So I Married A Pretty Girl Who Is Way Out Of My League.

47mins – Mike Myers wants me to believe that Nancy Travis is a psychotic axe murderer, but I’m just not buying it. Maybe if ‘There She Goes’ was to play once more, maybe then (and only then) I’d be more on board with his way of thinking.

56mins – Mike Myers is now convinced that Nancy Travis is not an axe murderer, which makes me think that maybe she is. I’m now wondering if Mike Myers also thinks this movie is funny – because I’m of the opinion that it is not.

1hr 40secs – Nudity!

1hr 5mins – So, now Mike Myers and Nancy Travis are getting married. It’s at this moment that even the most sane person turns into a killer.

1hr 10mins – Nancy Travis is displaying unhinged tendencies – tendencies that only kicked in after she got married. I’m not sure if this speaks more about marriage than it does about the lousy script. I joke – I am happily married. Please don’t mention I said anything. Please.

1hr 13mins – Greg Germann! Greg Germann is in this movie! Jeez, there are so many well-known actors in this film – Greg Germann, Anthony LaPaglia, Debi Mazar, Phil Hartman, Alan Arkin – Mike Myers must have the world’s biggest Rolodex. Do people still use a Rolodex? Does Mike Myers still use a Rolodex? Have we passed the point in time when people know what a Rolodex is?

1hr 17mins – There’s about another 15 minutes left in this movie and I have to be honest, I’m bored beyond belief. It’s not terrible, it’s just not very good. It’s also not funny. If I sit down to watch a Mike Myers movie I at least expect a few chuckles. This movie is pretty much chuckle-free.

1hr 19mins – Charles Grodin! Charles Grodin is in this movie! Oh, now I just want to watch Beethoven.

1hr 22mins – So Nancy Travis isn’t the murderer. To be honest, I’ve gone past the point of caring. When is Dr. Evil going to turn up? Or Mini-Me? Or Wayne & Garth?

1hr 29mins – And as the credits roll, ‘There She Goes’ is played once again. Four times in one movie. FOUR TIMES! That has to be a record, right?

**Clicks stop**

Well…. it’s taken me 25 years to watch So I Married An Axe Murderer and I can safely say, I think it’ll be at least another 25 years before I watch it again. If I watch it again. I can see hints of Myers’ later work here, but this film is just painfully pedestrian and simply not funny.

Yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised by Timecop. Today, I’m disappointed by So I Married An Axe Murderer. You win some, you lose some.

Two down; 88 to go.